Mindset & Emotion
Belong or
Be Long
As I make my way to the airport today, I feel
truly excited to relocate at last to the country
of my heart. At the same time, I’m reflecting on
what the word ‘belong’ really means.
I realise that it is made up of two words: ‘be’
and ‘long’. In that sense, yes, I was ‘long’ in my
country of birth and passport. Reflecting on
the deeper meaning of ‘belonging,’ though,
one point is very obvious: I have felt little
‘belonging’ in this country. Not during the first
eight years of my life here, nor after 32 years
of repatriation. While I looked like the locals, I
didn’t speak or act like them, I wasn’t familiar
with their manners, and I didn’t have much in
common with their education culture.
Nevertheless, I married a monocultural
local, the father of my gorgeous son. Plus,
I engaged in three careers, the last of which
saw me founding an agency for intercultural
coaching. I admit that career-wise, it looked as
if I had found my way. As long as I performed
consistently, I was in. In particular, working with
international organisations across the globe
made it possible for me to ‘belong’ – and ‘be
long.’
An Adult Third Culture Kid and specialist in
intercultural consultancy, Regina Reinhardt
reflects on the challenge of whether ‘being long’
in one place means we actually belong there.
I’m an Adult Third Culture Kid (TCK). Born in
my passport country, at the age of eight my
family and I relocated to a country I only had
visited twice on vacation. There, I attended
international school until graduation. I was
then sent back to my passport country, which
my parents considered our ‘home’. I was
planning to stay for a couple of years, just until
completing my higher education. Now, after
nearly 32 years – three cities, three careers,
one marriage and one wonderful son later –
I’m leaving again.
My experience in Greece was, in a way, the
opposite. Its relationship-oriented culture
matched my own values nicely. Still, I only lived
there during my childhood, and part-time
during my self-employed years. And I barely
worked with the locals – despite my attempts. As
a natural initiator and creator of new business
ideas, I was positive that I could succeed there
as I had done many times before. Guess what?
It didn’t work out as I expected, leaving me with
endless sleepless nights.
So, I found myself going from one extreme
to another. Where I was happy living, I
wasn’t happy working, and vice versa. What I
learned: to focus exclusively on multinational
organisations and clients. That works well for
my business and allows me to feel at home.
Do I ‘belong’ to this country where I’ve lived
during the summer months for the last
five years? No! The locals recognise me as
a ‘foreigner’ and are very reluctant to trust
anyone outside their own family. In addition,
most of my family – including my son whom I
love dearly – lives a two-and-a half hour flight
away in another country.
So why am I SO happy to relocate? Trying to
understand the theory behind the practice,
I have talked to numerous adult TKCs, read
several books, and yet I still cannot put a finger
on it.
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Is it – as a client suggests – that with age,
one goes back to where they spent most
of their formative years?
Is it that, in the country I’m heading to, my
relationship-oriented personality fits the
locals’ personality so much better?
Is it that I’ll wake up one day and regret
what I’ve done, because I’m simply having
delusions? And yet, I feel so very excited in
every single cell of my body!
Is it simply a coincidence that my passport
country doesn’t match my personality, and
the one of my latest residence does?
Is it that the feeling of ‘belonging’ simply
changes as life goes on?
In the end, I believe we must uncover what
is important to us, rather than why. We want
the feeling of ‘belonging’, but to ‘be long’ is a
challenge for most adult TCKs, at least at some
point in our lives. The truth is, the longer I travel
this journey, the more I detach from countries,
cities and places, and the more I ‘belong’ to
the very moment, simply being. Have you
experienced similar feelings? I would love to
hear your ‘belong’ and ‘be long’ story!
I believe we
must uncover
what is
important to us
Regina Reinhardt was born in Switzerland and grew up in Greece.
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Today, as an adult Third Culture Kid (TCK), she runs her own cross-cultural
consultancy, coaching global executives and adult TCKs to mindfully use
their unique talents and realise their bold dreams. Regina is currently in the
process of co-writing a book on adult TCKs.
www.ReginaReinhardt.com - www.linkedin.com/in/reginareinhardt
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