Business Fit Magazine January 2020 Issue 1 | Page 54
Mindset & Emotion
We have to
change our
belief systems
The archetypes which exist on the parent-child
relationship have created belief systems and
psychic contracts which have been internalised
by the child. The belief system of relationships
with ourselves and with others, is based on
situations created and inherited from childhood,
figures of authority - mother, father, guardians or
the main person who took care of the child – have
passed on the behaviour of how to be a person,
from their own upbringing. And this inner Child
is part of our lives. We speak of the internal Child
which exists in every adult, no matter their age,
in their memory or subconscious there is a file
where their personal history is kept.
Today we know that a child from birth to seven
years receives, in the best of cases, attention
and love, and I say at best, since there are
dysfunctional families where the child’s needs
are ignored, or in the case of large families,
where the child is provided with the necessary
attention but nothing individualised. At this stage
what the parents (or authority figures) do and
say is internalised by the child, consciously or
unconsciously, so in the adult stage it is said we
have a damaged inner child, if their needs were
limited or ignored. In some cases the adult holds
within himself his or her child with anger or rage,
or with sorrows of the past, and of course, also
contains the pleasant and beautiful moments.
I think we are a “Chain of Errors” or “Inheritance
of Errors”, as well as in the positive view, a ‘Chain
of Successes”. A child’s upbringing is influenced
by the upbringing their parents received and in
turn, the upbringing of their grandparents and so
on back through the generations.
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No one received schooling on how to be parents,
therefore, they did not know how to be a parent
or a guiding authority. That which works positively
in our inner child is welcome, but that which is
negative like anger, sadness or an emotion which
damages us, without realising, we continue to
feed that negativity, We need to have the humility
to realise that something is happening, which
doesn’t enable us to enjoy our life to the full and
we need to heal it.
Rage manifests itself outward or inwards. Out,
through acts of violence towards someone,
or reactive responses, expressed in abuse or
psychological abuse. In the case of inward
rage, we speak of repression and self-inflected
punishment. Unfortunately this can then
manifest into physical illness.
It is very important to clarify that it is not about
placing blame. We must understand, parents
or figures of authority have done the best they
could with the tools they possessed, passed on
by their own authority figures. It is said that the
effects of the reality we internalise, is the reality
to which we respond.
It is important, that as parents, we try not to
impose on our children, our negative thoughts
and beliefs, our needs or our unrealised or
repressed dreams. We need to educate children
that everyone has the same rights and this
should help the child relate to a world more
naturally, with understanding for themselves and
for others.
It is also important that parents set limits on
their children in order to avoid manipulation
or disrespect towards the property of others
and possibly the beginning of addiction. This
is achieved by saying NO at the right time and
preferable with an explanation which the child
can understand.
We have to change our belief systems, regardless
of how old we are. Identify where there is in us,
anger, fear or any emotion or traumatic blockage
and recognise it as the first part of a healing.
Work on that change of belief, understand that
if in childhood, you did not receive approval,
that is part of your past, it does not have to part
of your future. By accepting that, the negative
burden can be released. If you feel you aren’t
able to achieve it on your own, seek professional
help, somewhere you feel secure and have the
confidence to express your feelings.
There are many ways which can work to release
the negativity. It can be through breathing,
meditation, visualisation, among others. When
we stop controlling what we feel, when we allow
a healing of anger, or other negative emotion or
emotional blockage, that’s when we can begin to
enjoy life more and enjoy the company of other
people.
I want to leave you with an exercise for those
who suffered disapproval from their figure
of authority. The idea is to understand that
perhaps they had a difficult childhood, and so
learned to live with it and that none of us should
persecute another, this is a very important basis
for forgiveness… “And now look for a moment
of calm, of silence, of stillness, close your eyes,
breathe several times, slowly, trying to quiet the
mind, and when you feel peace, imagine your
authority figure, as if it were a boy or girl, imagine
them of about six years, see their face ... if there
is joy in his eyes, ...., if there is sadness, ... if he is
happy, ... we breathe, and we look again at his/
her face ... ..and we allow our love to manifest
towards him or her, ... We breathe again ... and
we thank them for allowing us to carry out this
exercise”. Now we return to our present.
Until we meet again, remember being happy is
your divine right.
A child’s
upbringing is
influenced by
the upbringing
their parents
received
Barbara Malinowski is a Certified Hypnotherapist, Life Coach,
International Motivational Speaker, Rebirther, practiser of Chinese Medicine,
Creative Visualisation Facilitator and writer. She has dedicated 20 years to the
study of human-divine connection. Residing in Los Angeles, California, she is
a frequent guest on television shows, as well as writing for several magazines.
[email protected]
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