Business Fit Magazine January 2020 Issue 1 | Page 54

Mindset & Emotion We have to change our belief systems The archetypes which exist on the parent-child relationship have created belief systems and psychic contracts which have been internalised by the child. The belief system of relationships with ourselves and with others, is based on situations created and inherited from childhood, figures of authority - mother, father, guardians or the main person who took care of the child – have passed on the behaviour of how to be a person, from their own upbringing. And this inner Child is part of our lives. We speak of the internal Child which exists in every adult, no matter their age, in their memory or subconscious there is a file where their personal history is kept. Today we know that a child from birth to seven years receives, in the best of cases, attention and love, and I say at best, since there are dysfunctional families where the child’s needs are ignored, or in the case of large families, where the child is provided with the necessary attention but nothing individualised. At this stage what the parents (or authority figures) do and say is internalised by the child, consciously or unconsciously, so in the adult stage it is said we have a damaged inner child, if their needs were limited or ignored. In some cases the adult holds within himself his or her child with anger or rage, or with sorrows of the past, and of course, also contains the pleasant and beautiful moments. I think we are a “Chain of Errors” or “Inheritance of Errors”, as well as in the positive view, a ‘Chain of Successes”. A child’s upbringing is influenced by the upbringing their parents received and in turn, the upbringing of their grandparents and so on back through the generations. 54 No one received schooling on how to be parents, therefore, they did not know how to be a parent or a guiding authority. That which works positively in our inner child is welcome, but that which is negative like anger, sadness or an emotion which damages us, without realising, we continue to feed that negativity, We need to have the humility to realise that something is happening, which doesn’t enable us to enjoy our life to the full and we need to heal it. Rage manifests itself outward or inwards. Out, through acts of violence towards someone, or reactive responses, expressed in abuse or psychological abuse. In the case of inward rage, we speak of repression and self-inflected punishment. Unfortunately this can then manifest into physical illness. It is very important to clarify that it is not about placing blame. We must understand, parents or figures of authority have done the best they could with the tools they possessed, passed on by their own authority figures. It is said that the effects of the reality we internalise, is the reality to which we respond. It is important, that as parents, we try not to impose on our children, our negative thoughts and beliefs, our needs or our unrealised or repressed dreams. We need to educate children that everyone has the same rights and this should help the child relate to a world more naturally, with understanding for themselves and for others. It is also important that parents set limits on their children in order to avoid manipulation or disrespect towards the property of others and possibly the beginning of addiction. This is achieved by saying NO at the right time and preferable with an explanation which the child can understand. We have to change our belief systems, regardless of how old we are. Identify where there is in us, anger, fear or any emotion or traumatic blockage and recognise it as the first part of a healing. Work on that change of belief, understand that if in childhood, you did not receive approval, that is part of your past, it does not have to part of your future. By accepting that, the negative burden can be released. If you feel you aren’t able to achieve it on your own, seek professional help, somewhere you feel secure and have the confidence to express your feelings. There are many ways which can work to release the negativity. It can be through breathing, meditation, visualisation, among others. When we stop controlling what we feel, when we allow a healing of anger, or other negative emotion or emotional blockage, that’s when we can begin to enjoy life more and enjoy the company of other people. I want to leave you with an exercise for those who suffered disapproval from their figure of authority. The idea is to understand that perhaps they had a difficult childhood, and so learned to live with it and that none of us should persecute another, this is a very important basis for forgiveness… “And now look for a moment of calm, of silence, of stillness, close your eyes, breathe several times, slowly, trying to quiet the mind, and when you feel peace, imagine your authority figure, as if it were a boy or girl, imagine them of about six years, see their face ... if there is joy in his eyes, ...., if there is sadness, ... if he is happy, ... we breathe, and we look again at his/ her face ... ..and we allow our love to manifest towards him or her, ... We breathe again ... and we thank them for allowing us to carry out this exercise”. Now we return to our present. Until we meet again, remember being happy is your divine right. A child’s upbringing is influenced by the upbringing their parents received Barbara Malinowski is a Certified Hypnotherapist, Life Coach, International Motivational Speaker, Rebirther, practiser of Chinese Medicine, Creative Visualisation Facilitator and writer. She has dedicated 20 years to the study of human-divine connection. Residing in Los Angeles, California, she is a frequent guest on television shows, as well as writing for several magazines. [email protected] 55