Business Fit Magazine January 2019 Issue 1 | Page 19

we don't want to disappoint others or we
may believe, rightly or wrongly, that we will be
rejected if we don’t agree to other people’s
demands. Sometimes, we know perfectly well
that if we put a boundary in place, it will be
met with anger. Feel the fear and put down
your boundaries anyway. Those who truly care
about your wellbeing will never be offended. It
is only people who benefit from your laissez-
faire attitude, and who have no real regard for
you, that react angrily.
Then there are some of us who have ignored
our needs, our emotions and our desires
for so long that we no longer know who we
truly are. I believe women are particularly
vulnerable to this. We become so adept at
multitasking and prioritising the needs of our
partners, our children and our friends that we
have forgotten ourselves. We may even bask
in the glory of our self-sacrificed exhaustion
and others’ gratitude for our support. But
this is not sustainable. Eventually, resentment
creeps in and we start blaming those we insist
on helping for not meeting our needs—needs
that we never even expressed.
learn to understand that its allure is just a fear
of rejection. It is precisely our imperfections
and our vulnerabilities that make us human
and make us individually beautiful.
Boundaries are not walls that keep you isolated
and lonely. Rather, they are arrows that show
others where the door to your world is. It
teaches those around you to knock first. It is
then up to each of us to choose if we open the
door, when we open the door and how widely.
Above all, boundaries help us to live our life on
our own terms, guilt-free.
We must learn to acknowledge our truths, to
be honest and open and vocally authentic.
And once we have done this, we must act
congruently. By taking full responsibility for our
lives, we take full control.
The more control we take, the easier it
becomes to establish our boundaries. The
better boundaries we have, the more able we
are to truly take care of ourselves. With well-
established boundaries, we find time to do
whatever fills our heart and fuels our soul. We
stop yearning to be rescued because we will
have learnt to take good care of ourselves. We
give up the need to people-please. We learn to
say no, without explanation or justification. We
let go of the need for perfectionism because we
Alejandra Sarmiento, Combines psychotherapy with deep intuition in a
warm, caring and practical manner. She offers transpersonal psychotherapy
as the basis from which to explore and re-discover who we really are,
beyond any labels. Alejandra helps clients to work through stress, anxiety,
relationships, low self-esteem and confidence, depression, self-harm,
parenting challenges, family dynamics, trauma and abuse..
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