Coping with Bereavement
The death of a loved one can be devastating . However , bereavement can affect people in many different ways and various emotions can kick in at differing times throughout the grieving process . There is no right or wrong way to feel . Powerful emotions can overtake daily life and come on suddenly from an unexpected memory or innocent remark .
To begin with you may feel shock or numbness or simply feel that you are in a daze . There can be overwhelming sadness with lots of crying and the inability to feel in control . You can get angry at the situation , the illness or accident that took them from you , or even at your loved one for leaving you . Guilt is another feeling that can become entwined with all of the others . Guilt for feeling angry , guilt for something you said or didn ’ t say , even guilt for not being able to prevent your loved one dying .
All of these feelings are perfectly natural and normal . None of these negative thoughts and feelings make you a bad person - it is just nature ’ s way of helping you sort out your feelings and the situation in your own time and your own way .
Not everyone moves from one phase smoothly into the next and there is no set timescale for feelings to become less intense . It is a gradual process .
Sometimes even when people feel ready to move on it can feel really daunting to get back into the community , especially so , if you have lost a partner of many years and used to do nearly everything together . It can be difficult too , if you have spent a long time as a Carer with hardly any free time to follow your own hobbies or interests .
There are many clubs , organisations and volunteering opportunities that will welcome you throughout Buckinghamshire , so do use your local paper , community boards or the internet to explore the varied options .
Telephoning the leader of the group first is a good idea , as you can find out the general format and also know that someone will be expecting you at your first meeting .
If this seems like too big a step , your local Library is a wonderful place to make new friends and find like-minded people .
It is also natural throughout this period to feel very tired or even exhausted . You can become distracted and forgetful during this period too , as your mind is overloaded with grief from your bereavement .
It is recognised by doctors that there are four main stages of bereavement :
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• Accepting that your loss is real
• Experiencing the pain of grief
• Adjusting to life without the person who has died
• Moving on ( putting less emotional energy into grieving and channelling it into something else - or even better , something new ).