What she doesn’t explain, however, is how.
(This sounds frighteningly close to the heterosexual people who claim allowing same-sex marriage will ruin the sanctity of their own marriages.) It is a convenient omission for what boils down to Burkett not liking Jenner presenting herself as a gender role stereotype.
Fighting – and Celebrating? — Gender Role Stereotypes
As a sexuality educator, I have worked for years with people who are equally committed to promoting gender diversity and fighting gender role stereotypes. What has been largely missing from the discourse, however, is the acknowledgment that if we truly believe in gender diversity, then we must be just as accepting of those who fulfill stereotypes as we are of those who break them. If we truly believe people have a right to self-determination, to make decisions about their own bodies and how they use them, then we need to acknowledge that Jenner has every right to characterize herself as a “sex kitten.”
Now, I wholeheartedly believe that stereotypes can be hugely problematic – but they are problematic when we reduce people to those stereotypes; when we say “girls can only do this,” or “you’re not a real man if you don’t do that.” They are problematic when we determine, as a culture, that there are gradations of what the dominant culture defines as “real;” being a “real” man or a “real” woman. And clearly, Burkett and others like her do not see Jenner as a “real” woman because she has not had the lifelong experience of being a cisgender woman. I do not agree, nor do I think it does any of us any good to see gender equality as a competition.
“Nail Polish Does Not a Woman Make”
Perhaps Burkett’s most hypocritical statement is her closing line, in which she calls out Jenner’s excitement over being able to finally wear nail polish without negative social consequences. In writing, condescendingly, “Nail polish does not a woman make,” Burkett insensitively misses the point. Jenner is not saying, “You’re not a real woman if you don’t wear nail polish,” she is describing something she has wanted to do that she has always associated with being a woman, but that she couldn’t. By minimizing this, Burkett is doing exactly what she accuses the male power majority of doing to women over the decades – reducing Jenner to a behavior or activity, rather than a person who takes pleasure and delight in this behavior or activity.
So let me pose the question I ask in the title of this piece: “Who’s in charge of gender?”
The answer is, no one. We all have the right to conceive of ourselves and our gender in ways that make sense to us.
But then again – it’s always a bit more complicated than that, isn’t it?
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