Recently , an individual whose synapses clicked on , posted on the Batch page , from his perch in Cottonwood , Minn . Seems he had a moment of deep reflection or more possibly deep anxiety . He was contemplating over his entire lifetime , the quantity of a fermented beverage , ( which we all so dearly love ) that he has put down his gullet . He estimated 6,140 gallons of beer . This is also known as a shit load . I have been told that a shit load is more than 8 . So , if we go by the shit load reference , Mr . Cottonwood certainly qualifies . He drives bus , and can ’ t drink while doing this , so this amount makes me wonder when he does his drinking ? In his sleep ?
For those who have some basic mathematical skills , like knowing how to use a calculator , we can derive some interesting factoids . I rounded my figures to the higher number . Must allow for slop , upchuck , also known as reversal of fortune , spillage and the “ fog of war ” or better known as , fog of hangovers . So , 6,140 gallons equates to 384 , sixteen-gallon kegs . It is also 65,493 twelve-ounce cans or bottles , whatever your preference . Now these numbers are totals reflected over his lifetime . Note : I must say , I have been laughing quite hard writing this .
I now want to break this down per year . I think Mr . Cottonwood is about 60 years old or nearing that marker . Mentally he is more like 21 , I think . That number may be generous . I am going to assume that he was not bottle-fed beer as an infant . I could be wrong here as I have no proof of that , but I will go with my hunch . So , let us assume his first glorious taste of the golden nectar was 16 years old . That gives him approximately 44 years , of hardcore quaffing . By using math again ( oh , that math ) we come up with 140 gallons per year , which is nearly 9 , sixteen-gallon kegs per year . As I said , I am rounding to the higher number here , as I am fairly certain these are conservative numbers . For math geeks out there , I can see you are impressed by my ciphering skills . I recall Jethro could cipher to 20 , using his fingers and toes . Clearly , I have exceeded that . Just barely . I use Teri ’ s appendages when needed .
On the one hand , Mr . Cottonwood , could be a poster child for alcohol abuse , but that ’ s low hanging fruit and far too easy to make fun of . On the other hand , someone once said , you better sweep your own doorstep first , before making fun of others .
So , all this brings me back to myself . After I read about all this beer drinking , ( besides being thirsty ) I remembered I had done something similar a few years back . For one whole year , every day , I kept track of my beer consumption . I would write down on my calendar the quantity I drank and at the end of the year I totaled it up . The number was eye opening , and I could of swore I wrote about these exploits in a Batch newsletter .
So , the search was on and I proceeded in an attempt to find that article . I could not remember the year , so I had to estimate when I did this and then look at past newsletters . I spent much time on this . As a side note , it sure is fun reading the old newsletters . Well , I could not find my article that I thought I had wrote . I then asked Tom T . to send me a link to all the newsletters he has downloaded . So , he sent the link and I still could not find it . Now I was pissed at my memory and I really buckled down and I “ extra ” thought . How do you “ extra ” think ? Drink beer . It seems I never wrote about it . Memory is a tricky thing , you remember things and tell stories but , over time these memories become embellished , and they do not always jive with reality . In other words , we tend to make shit up . I needed facts , some proof .
So , what to do ? I knew I had kept track of this , but I was focused on finding my “ ghost ” article in past in past Batch newsletters . This is when I recalled that I have always keep my old calendars from years past . My personal calendar is like a diary for me , I keep notes and write certain events down and store these in a box . So , I started digging . Low and behold here it is !!
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