P A G E 6 B O R D E R B A T C H B R E W I N G S
Generally , I steer this article away from recapping shows & focus on something of just a little different flavor of content . However , I had come up with the idea of trying to capture what I feel is one of the true highlights of the year in collecting as a member of the Schell ’ s Border Batch - Stubie Fest - in quasireal time as a blow by blow action report . It turned out a rather difficult role to play being both a fester & a journalist . In the end fester in me won out . There is also a distinct possibility that idea of live time record keeping was just a little too graphic of a pursuit as well . The element of time & the “ fog of festing ” serving to protect my mind from such dangerous memories . I hear there is a video that would substantiate this particular line of reasoning . Ultimately , I found the more the party ramped up , the less I was interested in interrupting the fun every few beers to take notes . None-the-less , I ’ ll attempt to reproduce here what I did accomplish to record with some minor editing . Friday - DAY ONE 2:20 I ’ m guest number 3 to arrive at Dan ’ s residence . Anticipation is in the air but things are pretty mellow . 3:00 A few people are filtering onto the grounds . The finishing touches are being put on the décor . An underground trading session is in full swing - proof positive that the early fester gets the cherry breweriana . Ted , Dan [ also affectionately known as right & left Stubie respectively - see Barry Travis original art ] & Barbie arrive with the kegs and there is much rejoicing . Tom & Judy arrive on their heels & the kegs are tapped & there is more rejoicing . 4:00 Stubes & B . gogs take a road trip to town to get appropriate Schell ’ s tap handles for the brewski . Stubes has back end of truck filled with cases of beer & we leave the tailgate down to test other fest-goers reaction time . About a mile down the road we get a cell phone call . 5:00 Benny & B . gogs determine the tent must be set up before the tent can no longer be set up . Labor is a buzz kill . Numerous festers are jealous that we are smart enough to “ camp ” inside with the impending frost warnings . 6:15 Murray arrives bearing novelty breweriana gift for B . gogs [ thanks Murray !]. Hope everyone saw the picture on the Forum . 7:00 The Billy Beer Toss tourney begins . In opening round play Murray defeats Benny & B . gogs defeats Ted . 8:00 Competition gets heated as the ladies take the Billy Can field . Judy defeats Vicki in a cut throat game . 9:00 “ Garfunkling ” adopted as the adult film industry term of the fest . However , its use is lackluster in the light of last years crowd pleaser - “ blumpkin ”. Honored guests Butzie & Janet arrive & join the fray . 10:00 The general beer drinking & yuckin ’ it up [ not yacking it up though - there was surprising little of this all weekend ] reaches monumental proportions . 10:57 First injury of the fest occurs when that insensitive “ Garfunkling ” bastard Stubie [ the middle one for any of you keeping track ] brains Judy with a wantonly tossed piece of garlic toast . Blows are avoided but as I mentioned earlier some of stuff this gets to be too graphic - don ’ t try this at home . 12:24 And then there were seven [ left standing ] and the late night vibe grips the scene . 1:43 Day One has run its course . The last festers standing decide to save a few liver cells for Day Two . Murray pulls the Aztec into the shed to avoid a frosty night of misery .
2:15 I was forced to hit Benny with a shoe to try to minimize the roaring din of his infernal snoring . Saturday - DAY TWO 6:45 Morning comes far too early . On the bright side the rooster is much less cocky this year & steers clear of cranky rising revelers . The hangover recovery process begins . Coffee & egg bake ease the way . 9:15 Billy Beer Can Shoot version 2.0 takes place . Spokes model Uma T . would have been proud but possibly deafened by the arsenal used to bring about the eventual mass slaughter of Billy ’ s & a few other less than coveted breweriana items . 10:15 The war is over & the crew stows the hardware , heading off for the breweriana show . Attendees from Wisconsin & Georgia are in the mix as well as BCCA President Joe Germino . 11:10 Brewing legend Ted Marti arrives to receive the Can of the Year award presented by Joe & the officers of the Border Batch . Ted enjoys a Fire Brick with us & fills us in on some great tidbits of Schell ’ s news . 11:25 Left & Right Stubie are inducted as members of the illustrious & often notorious Schell ’ s Outlaws . Joe Germino joins the ranks as an honorary Outlaw . 2:00 The hay wagon is loaded w / 31 festers + our alumni tractor driver Jason & his assistant Charles . [ I could write 2 articles on the hayride itself . Let me leave it at this : if you weren ’ t on this hayride you were not where the action was at !] 5:55 The hayride returns to the fest grounds . Many hit the chow line before heading back to the taps , several just hit the taps as they are too far down the road to care about food at this point & one fester just hit ’ s the deck . Joe Germino still can ’ t believe we open bottled it into town on a wagon for a pub crawl . 7:10 Karaoke Dan fires up the equipment . Tom belts out the first tune of the evening . At this point my note taking went south with my sobriety so I ’ m forced to leave you with some general random impressions : Apparently no one was warned of the danger of random gravity storms in rural New Ulm . Somewhere during the course of the evening the Billy Can Toss Tourney was completed w / B . gogs defeating Joe Germino in the final round . It turns out that B . gogs is not the only one with a Gene Simmons replica tongue . Barry Travis could be a rock star if he had some dental work done .
In my case drinking like a rock star does not turn out to directly linked to being able to actually sing like a rock star - bummer . Some dogs will try to eat anything - this is not limited to Max & paper plates .
Logs can be as effective as the boot for impounding autos . There is nothing “ common ” about common sense .
If I ever actually own my own bar I ’ m gonna pay Butzie to sing “ I Love this Bar ” every night .
When one puts on a fest near corn fields one must consider the possibility of losing a fester to the corn .
Hooting & hollering for 4 straight hours gives you a sore throat .
A few days after the hangover wears off all you remember about a really great breweriana show & festival is how much fun you had & how many laughs you shared with good friends . And that ’ s what this chapter is all about .