P A G E 6 B O R D E R B A T C H B R E W I N G S
Generally, I steer this article away from recapping shows & focus on something of just a little different flavor of content. However, I had come up with the idea of trying to capture what I feel is one of the true highlights of the year in collecting as a member of the Schell’ s Border Batch- Stubie Fest- in quasireal time as a blow by blow action report. It turned out a rather difficult role to play being both a fester & a journalist. In the end fester in me won out. There is also a distinct possibility that idea of live time record keeping was just a little too graphic of a pursuit as well. The element of time & the“ fog of festing” serving to protect my mind from such dangerous memories. I hear there is a video that would substantiate this particular line of reasoning. Ultimately, I found the more the party ramped up, the less I was interested in interrupting the fun every few beers to take notes. None-the-less, I’ ll attempt to reproduce here what I did accomplish to record with some minor editing. Friday- DAY ONE 2:20 I’ m guest number 3 to arrive at Dan’ s residence. Anticipation is in the air but things are pretty mellow. 3:00 A few people are filtering onto the grounds. The finishing touches are being put on the décor. An underground trading session is in full swing- proof positive that the early fester gets the cherry breweriana. Ted, Dan [ also affectionately known as right & left Stubie respectively- see Barry Travis original art ] & Barbie arrive with the kegs and there is much rejoicing. Tom & Judy arrive on their heels & the kegs are tapped & there is more rejoicing. 4:00 Stubes & B. gogs take a road trip to town to get appropriate Schell’ s tap handles for the brewski. Stubes has back end of truck filled with cases of beer & we leave the tailgate down to test other fest-goers reaction time. About a mile down the road we get a cell phone call. 5:00 Benny & B. gogs determine the tent must be set up before the tent can no longer be set up. Labor is a buzz kill. Numerous festers are jealous that we are smart enough to“ camp” inside with the impending frost warnings. 6:15 Murray arrives bearing novelty breweriana gift for B. gogs [ thanks Murray!]. Hope everyone saw the picture on the Forum. 7:00 The Billy Beer Toss tourney begins. In opening round play Murray defeats Benny & B. gogs defeats Ted. 8:00 Competition gets heated as the ladies take the Billy Can field. Judy defeats Vicki in a cut throat game. 9:00“ Garfunkling” adopted as the adult film industry term of the fest. However, its use is lackluster in the light of last years crowd pleaser-“ blumpkin”. Honored guests Butzie & Janet arrive & join the fray. 10:00 The general beer drinking & yuckin’ it up [ not yacking it up though- there was surprising little of this all weekend ] reaches monumental proportions. 10:57 First injury of the fest occurs when that insensitive“ Garfunkling” bastard Stubie [ the middle one for any of you keeping track ] brains Judy with a wantonly tossed piece of garlic toast. Blows are avoided but as I mentioned earlier some of stuff this gets to be too graphic- don’ t try this at home. 12:24 And then there were seven [ left standing ] and the late night vibe grips the scene. 1:43 Day One has run its course. The last festers standing decide to save a few liver cells for Day Two. Murray pulls the Aztec into the shed to avoid a frosty night of misery.
2:15 I was forced to hit Benny with a shoe to try to minimize the roaring din of his infernal snoring. Saturday- DAY TWO 6:45 Morning comes far too early. On the bright side the rooster is much less cocky this year & steers clear of cranky rising revelers. The hangover recovery process begins. Coffee & egg bake ease the way. 9:15 Billy Beer Can Shoot version 2.0 takes place. Spokes model Uma T. would have been proud but possibly deafened by the arsenal used to bring about the eventual mass slaughter of Billy’ s & a few other less than coveted breweriana items. 10:15 The war is over & the crew stows the hardware, heading off for the breweriana show. Attendees from Wisconsin & Georgia are in the mix as well as BCCA President Joe Germino. 11:10 Brewing legend Ted Marti arrives to receive the Can of the Year award presented by Joe & the officers of the Border Batch. Ted enjoys a Fire Brick with us & fills us in on some great tidbits of Schell’ s news. 11:25 Left & Right Stubie are inducted as members of the illustrious & often notorious Schell’ s Outlaws. Joe Germino joins the ranks as an honorary Outlaw. 2:00 The hay wagon is loaded w / 31 festers + our alumni tractor driver Jason & his assistant Charles. [ I could write 2 articles on the hayride itself. Let me leave it at this: if you weren’ t on this hayride you were not where the action was at!] 5:55 The hayride returns to the fest grounds. Many hit the chow line before heading back to the taps, several just hit the taps as they are too far down the road to care about food at this point & one fester just hit’ s the deck. Joe Germino still can’ t believe we open bottled it into town on a wagon for a pub crawl. 7:10 Karaoke Dan fires up the equipment. Tom belts out the first tune of the evening. At this point my note taking went south with my sobriety so I’ m forced to leave you with some general random impressions: Apparently no one was warned of the danger of random gravity storms in rural New Ulm. Somewhere during the course of the evening the Billy Can Toss Tourney was completed w / B. gogs defeating Joe Germino in the final round. It turns out that B. gogs is not the only one with a Gene Simmons replica tongue. Barry Travis could be a rock star if he had some dental work done.
In my case drinking like a rock star does not turn out to directly linked to being able to actually sing like a rock star- bummer. Some dogs will try to eat anything- this is not limited to Max & paper plates.
Logs can be as effective as the boot for impounding autos. There is nothing“ common” about common sense.
If I ever actually own my own bar I’ m gonna pay Butzie to sing“ I Love this Bar” every night.
When one puts on a fest near corn fields one must consider the possibility of losing a fester to the corn.
Hooting & hollering for 4 straight hours gives you a sore throat.
A few days after the hangover wears off all you remember about a really great breweriana show & festival is how much fun you had & how many laughs you shared with good friends. And that’ s what this chapter is all about.