What I wish I had known about my recovery was that the sooner I allowed myself to accept that it was a process, not a permanent solution, that then and only then would I could truly open my eyes. What I wish I had known about my recovery was that speaking out about my mental illness only strengthened me and gave way to allowing others to become more comfortable and work towards eliminating the stigma around mental illness with me. More importantly, it has made me realize that I have to take time for me because while 1 in 5 suffer from a mental illness, 5 in 5 have mental health.
I remember a turning point in my Introduction to Clinical Psychology class. A teacher used an example of a non-profit organization called Jack.org. I looked it up after class, did some research and decided that it was time to take action. The story inspired me and I knew that if I started to take care of myself, I could follow the lead of the people who were already involved and making movements in the mental health community. I found the passion for living my own life and from there, started to see big changes in who I was and what I knew I had almost lost sight of: the height of what I was capable of achieving if I simply believing in myself and worked for it. And believe me, I worked hard.
My wish is for everyone to know that whether they are going through recovery themselves or helping a friend with an open ear and a comfy shoulder, that it gets better. My wish is for everyone to find the will to believe in themselves and strive for what they deserve and more. It is important to understand that when you have someone in your life that suffers from a mental illness, you do not need to fix- it is a professional’s job to attend to the mending in that sense. Instead, when you have a friend who is suffering from a mental illness, be there as that shoulder and company who does not judge them for their rough time.
Today, I look back on my journey and remember all of the people that I have not thanked enough because even as someone who speaks out about mental health, I have not told everyone about the little things that they did that helped me self-care and simply.. relax. I didn’t talk about what they were doing for me because that was the beauty in how relaxing it was- they were not being my friend and, for example, singing Boys like Girls at the top of their lungs with me because it calmed me. No, they were doing it simply to enjoy the moment. So I am making a new tread mark in my journey to start thanking the people who had no idea they were apart of more than simply visiting new coffee shops and making donut runs with me.
In the present day, I am considered a leader in my community. I do not hesitate to jump at a chance that will follow me down the road to fulfilling my passions whether it be academic, community based or more importantly, to simply living the life that I have been gifted with. There are some days that are much, much harder than others but I know that I am strong and when I cannot be, there are people and resources that I can utilize because my mental illness does not define me. I am a stronger person today because of it and I have learned to test myself and win throughout the years because I took that first step to believing that I was more. A year and a half ago, I could not have told you with confidence that I was capable of accomplishing as much as I have. A year and a half from now, I hope to prove myself wrong once again. Tied with a bow or not, my weathered road is one that I will smooth out one breath at a time.
by Shayla Livingstone