i could only feel safe
when i locked myself in a room and barricaded the door
but now
i feel safe with your touch
barricaded by your arms
from everything
that can hurt me
you can’t barricade me from myself
you can’t barricade me
from the thoughts
the horrible, monotonous fucking thoughts that keep me awake at night
you can’t barricade me from the voices
the voices that tell me that you couldn’t care less if i live or if i die and the voices that tell me that i should just kill myself because everyone would be happier
but you keep me safe
my tiny body
pressed against yours
when i am with you they cannot hurt me
i feel so microscopic in your arms
so small that the bad things can’t find me
the voices wash over me and the thoughts don’t have anywhere to go and your arms aren’t arms anymore
your arms are a barricade
they are safety
and they are paradise
you barricade me
from the hurt and the pain and the torture
you are safety and you are home
and you are my favourite place
by Nat White