But alas...The CSA told me loud and clear, what I had just done was save myself a lot of time and heartache. I had one gentlemen tell me "he must have caught me at the wrong time." Would the right time be a time when I am interesting in having sex? That was pretty much the message.
I was glad that they were able to weed themselves out of the equation instead of wasting my time with superficial attempts to get my clothes off. Just from the announcement, celibacy had already begun to do what I hoped it would, bring clarity.
"Did I just doom myself to empty weekends and lonely nights?"
I am celibate because I want to see life without sex. Moreso, what will I do with the part of my brain that men used to occupy? What can I accomplish? innovate? Build? You see not only am I keeping my body celibate, I am keeping my brain celibate. Limited dating. Limited male interaction.
Like most women, I spent a lot of time thinking about my man, tending to my man, considering my man, being a darn good woman to my man. Now I am going to be that level of darn good woman to myself. Truly be self pleasuring. Find pleasure within myself and by myself. (keep it clean :) )
I look forward to my celibacy journey. It has no designated end time. I am sure I will just know when I have met him. And even if I don't know, at least I wouldn't have wasted any good sex trying to find out.
So the CSA said all that to say this, "Sometimes you have to STOP to really start over and get different results."
Love Yall
Carry on.