Bossy! Magazine Issue 24 November 2018 | Page 12

Am I really comfortable with sharing?

Never forget, if you’re poly, your partners most likely are too. Which means that nobody “belongs” to anybody – or, depending on how you roll, everybody belongs to everybody– regardless it certainly means that you need to be prepared to share the love.

If you are a jealous, needy, anxious, insecure or mistrustful person - first, own and accept that that’s who you are. Whether or not you think these are things to “work on,” accept that, at least for now, they are a part of who you are. Once you’ve identified and accepted those truths take a good look at what you’re considering, will you anxiety be soothed or aggravated by having less access to your one of your partners? Will your insecurity be assuaged by having more people to share with?

Do I have enough love /time/attention to give?

Life comes at us fast, and increasingly between work and the ever-encroaching specter of “screen time,” we have less and less time for our relationships. Relationships shouldn’t be work, but they do require work. Maintaining a functional loving relationship means making time for that loved one, taking time away from some other task, or most likely some other person (yourself included) to carve out time for our partner. Take a real good look at your life, do you have the time? The energy? The love? These aren’t easy questions but it is critical to be honest because inviting a person into a relationship only to leave them lonely is tantamount to inviting someone to your home for dinner and starving them. If you don’t have enough to feed everybody at the table people will get up when they realize love is no longer being served (word to Nina Simone)

Another way to introduce the subject is by exploring BDSM erotica in books magazines or even videos. When you find something that turns you on share it with your partner. Marking something in a book or a magazine with a note saying “I think this is hot” is a lot less awkward than say “Could you tie me up and spank me?”

Adding new facets to your sex life can be a great bonding experience. The most important tip is to be open and honest with your partner about your desires and allow you both to make safe sane and consensual decisions...Happy Exploring!