Dear J.L.
I’ve been with my husband for 4 years, and as far as I knew we had been happy. Recently I found that he had been chatting online and texting with an old fling. Now he says there’s nothing inappropriate going on but I have also seen that he erases parts of their conversations. I’ve asked him not to talk to her, he thinks I'm being unreasonable. Is this as bad as I think it is and how worried should I be?
It depends on how bad you think this is. If you think its bad that you’ve communicated a discomfort with his behaviors with another woman and he continues to do it is problematic for the health of your relationship, then yes. This is as bad as you think it is. What he is communicating to you is that there is something he needs or wants that he is not getting in this relationship and that this need is of greater importance to you than his discomfort. Let that sit for a minute. He’s made a priority call and your priority has shifted from top tier to secondary.
The Long View
By Julian Long