MEN’S
T
4 Other Things You
Should Say To A Woman
Instead Of ‘You Look
Tired’
hree words have the power to change the course
of a woman’s entire day: “You look tired.” This
seemingly harmless, yet over-used statement isn’t
malicious at the surface. However, what people fail to
realize is that by telling someone how they look, you’re
making assumptions about their morning, their day or
their life in general with no context or evidence to back
up your haphazard claim. In fact, the most dangerous
place to drop the “you look tired” bomb is at your place
of work because it has the residual effect of making the
other person question their appearance, work ethic and,
simply put, their worth. “You look tired” is a problematic
statement because it is completely devoid of empathy,
and what parades as concern ends up being read as
judgment. Concerned people don’t tell others how they
look. They ask what the other person needs. That’s the
difference. Life happens outside of the office, and believe or not, the person you’re speaking to also exists
outside of the realm of this brief, yet catastrophic convo;
they Life happens outside of the office, and — believe or
not — the person you’re speaking to also exists outside
of the realm of this brief, yet catastrophic convo. They
actually may be tired. You don’t know. However, making
a brash and superfluous comment about their looks? I
can guarantee that they don’t feel any less tired after
fake-smiling their way through this extremely awkward
situation. I recently wrote a piece on the positive effects
of leaving makeup behind that inspired a few friends
to try as well. Several ladies dropped the “experiment”
within the first couple of days. Why? Not because they
were unhappy, but because they were simply tired of
people assuming they were exhausted — typically at
their places of work — because they skipped the eye
makeup or concealer. I witnessed gorgeous women being knocked down a couple pegs and forced back into
their comfort zones because of these three words: “You
look tired.” It’s unfair. Keep in mind, if a woman — or
anyone for that matter — looks “tired” by your standards,
telling them while you shrug your shoulders and stroll
off doesn’t help. If you are truly concerned about the
person’s well-being here are some things you can say
instead:
1. “How are you feeling today?”
By asking instead of telling, you give them a chance to
speak for themselves instead of imposing what you think
you know.
2. “I’ve got a free moment. Is there anything I
can help you tackle today?”
If the person is overworked and overwhelmed, this will
be music to their ears.
3. “You look great today.”
Granted, it may be a white lie, but speaking positively is
so valuable. You have no idea about the inner battles or
struggles that they’re going through.
4. “I’m going to get coffee. Do you want anything?”
This, my friends, is how progress is made. This is real
empathy, free of judgment.
People push themselves to the limit all the time, and everyone has their reasons for doing so. They’re aware
that today, instead of spending 20 minutes perfecting
their “cat-eye,” they opted to try a new meditation routine, or that they stayed up later than usual reading a
new book that they simply couldn’t put down. They know
how they look without you telling them. Think about the
new moms, the graduate students, the entrepreneurs,
the women doing their best with what they have, whether
it’s a 2-year-old tube of lipstick and some shimmery blue
eye shadow or the finest beauty products around. Think
about the women trying to give up wearing makeup for
the first time, and ask yourself how you would feel if you
felt your peers or co-workers were going to comment on
your appearance randomly. How would you feel if someone pointed out what you’ve been trying to minimize all
morning? Maybe they are tired. So what? Hell, maybe
they feel like Beyoncé! Unless you bring coffee, compliments or assistance, it’s best to follow the golden rule: If
you don’t have anything nice to say, shut it.
44 | BOOM