completely fi ne and is not a crime. That is precisely why you will need all hands on deck; your close and extended family members, long lost friends, acquaintances and maybe even colleagues to help you sub in during desperate times of need. 5. You will learn to be a ninja Without any previous training, you will do backfl ips and tricks that you never imagined yourself doing. These are the superpowers that come with the intense responsibility of raising a baby. You will learn to walk on air and dance with no limbs and sing without notes. You will learn all the tricks in the book, and they will come to you naturally. 6. You will mess up. Sooner or later, but you will make mistakes. This is completely fi ne as well! There is no way you’ re going to know it all despite your impressive collection of“ How To Be A Good Parent” books. You will fail at changing diapers, and fail at comforting your child and fail at being a good parent 24 / 7. But what should soothe you is that all of those things will be temporary and you will learn with time. 7. Your patience will be tested to the limits This is debatable. My mother says that after just the fi rst year, this will not happen. Your infatuation with this being will be infi nite and for life. That being said, all kids are different. Some are chill for instance, I entertained myself wherever I was placed, and some are plain nutcases. 8. You will be amazed at how quickly their brain develops and begins to form a personality This is by far the most fascinating one. You will become a scientist in disguise. Keep a notepad nearby because you’ ll be amazed at what this union of cells from the both of you is capable of, and whose traits it takes after. 9. You might not start out with that motherly instinct My cousin said she gave birth and felt like the child was a stranger’ s given to her to be taken care of. I will not go into the details from a biological perspective as it will bore you, but at childbirth every woman is supposed to release chemicals that make her bond to her child. Like I’ ve mentioned, not everyone that is touched by this gift. My mother was a protective hawk. She did not want her babies to be handled by anyone other than herself. 10. Your sex life will suffer Don’ t worry, the dry spell will only last as long as you let it. Your priorities will shift, and your child will become your new life. How you and your partner handle this situation is up to you and too personal for me to advise you on. 11. Every day will be new and exciting That is a promise. No day will be the same and you’ ll thank heavens for it. Babies change so quickly in the fi rst year that you will weep tears of sadness when he / she is too heavy to be in your arms 24 / 7. Be prepared to grow with your child.
37 | BOOM
PARENTING
12. Four hours of sleep will feel like a blessing in disguise Although this point may seem too closely related to # 3, I mean to touch upon a different subject matter. Routine is everything. When your child sleeps, you should sleep. When the child eats, you eat. Or else see warning above. Put your family on military time! Just be thankful for technological gifts from the 21st century that will get you extra hours of sleep like washing machines etc. 13. You will become a cam addicted Yes, you laugh at all those women on your Facebook feed now, but you’ re on the fast lane to becoming one. You will want to take pictures all day everyday because you cannot possibly afford to miss a thing, as they are precious moments you will never get back. They will be overwritten by better ones, but the ones you miss you’ ll just have to explain to everyone in words and risk coming off as crazy and obsessed. 14. Kids are expensive Financial priorities are pushed to fi rst place when it comes to having a baby make some vague plan on how you will move forward with how you handle money. You can guess, or you can plan a whole budget that will include everything and anything you will ever need. You might even have a number in mind at this point. Multiply that number by 5 and you might come close to what it will be in reality. 15. You reap what you sew On a dramatic note – these are words of wisdom from my own mother, who said this fi rst year will mean everything in sculpting your child into a human. Whatever you give your child( the love, the time and dedication) will be of the most vital signifi cance for their development and it will be refl ected in the later years to come. Say no to TV! Read books. You’ re raising an important member of society. Your responsibility to the human race is to build a little girl or boy into more than just that. So make them visionaries.