REVIEW’S
REVIEW : DISHOOM
A
star Indian batsman is kidnapped 36 hours ahead
of a make-or-break match. The external affairs
ministry in Delhi rushes a badass cop to a place
"somewhere in the Middle East" to lead the manhunt to
find both the missing cricketer and the mysterious captor. Sounds super exciting? On paper, it does. It definitely is an unusual plotline for a Hindi film. But any novelty that Rohit Dhawan's Dishoom possesses ends right
there. It is an action-packed buddy film in which both
John Abraham and Varun Dhawan, playing a bumbling
police department rookie who is reduced to running errands for his exploitative boss and seeks liberation and
greater glory, are pretty much stuck in a rut.
Abraham, as always, makes a fair fist of playing a dishy
hunk who broods endlessly and revels in scoffing at the
world. He growls rather than speaks. Dhawan, too, is the
boyish prankster that he has always been on the screen,
a man blessed with clean-cut charm. Dishoom opens
in a packed cricket arena where we watch the aforementioned champion batter, Viraj Sharma (Saqib Saleem), make mincemeat of opposition bowlers. Real-life
retired cricketers Pommie Mbangwa and Akash Chopra
provide the running commentary while the Indian team
coach (Mohinder Amarnath, no less) barks instructions
to his wards. This, the audience is told, was the semifinal. The all-important final is two days away. But any
semblance of realism that Dishoom promises is quickly
dashed as snazzy automobiles, scantily clad girls and
all manner of meanies (led by Nargis Fakhri) crawl out
of the woodwork after Viraj Sharma vanishes. The two
temperamentally disparate men, Kabir Shergill (Abraham) and Junaid Ansari (Dhawan), when thrown into
the cauldron, learn to work in tandem even as sparks
of animosity fly between them. The case that the duo
is called upon to crack isn't the most challenging in the
world but the screenplay contrives labored ways to whip
up excitement. It throws in a few chases, one of which
unfolds in a fictional desert country called Abudeen after
a song-and-dance set piece staged in an underground
hideout beneath a trap door in the sand. The story of the
abducted batsman is revealed piecemeal. He earns the
bookie's ire when he refuses to throw a game. The leads
and clues are emblazoned across every act of a crooked
bookie (Akshaye Khanna, back in action after a five-year
hiatus). But the cops need the help of a British bulldog
to sniff out the truth. The mutt is named Bradman. The
great Don must be turning in his grave. The twosome
find another ally in Meera Behl alias Ishika (Jacqueline
Fernandez), a drug addict on the mend, who shows
them around the Middle East locations where the action
is set.
The cliches roll thick and fast as the two law enforcers
chase the bad guys across the Abu Dhabi locations. The
principal baddie calls himself Wagah because he belongs to neither India nor Pakistan. Played with aplomb
by Akshaye Khanna, Wagah is about the only interesting character in this implausible concoction in which the
world of cricket match fixing clashes headlong with the
rather predictable exploits of a police officer who needs
a bit of policing himself. A chain smoker and habitual
rule-breaker, Kabir lights up inside an elevator. A man
protests. The cop responds by kicking him out of the lift.
Lying on the ground, the assaulted man says: "I only
asked you not to smoke in the lift." "I asked you to take
the stairs," Kabir responds and walks away with such a
swagger that one might wonder if he has just conquered
the Everest. Kabir's boorishness rubs off on Junaid.
Later in the film, the younger cop jokes about his senior suffering from testicular cancer. We are supposed
to find that funny. Why must Hindi films always confuse
machismo with insensitivity and loutish, hardscrabble
behaviour? Akshay Kumar puts in a special appearance
as an effeminate don who forces Kabir and Junaid to
strip down to their trunks, which turn out to be identical
in both colour and design. The sequence ends with the
crime lord cracking what he thinks is a witticism: "Their
father must be a baker because they have perfect buns."
Original, no. Silly, yes. We know for a fact that Rohit
Dhawan's father is a successful filmmaker with a string
of huge hits behind him.But that would be difficult to tell if
one went by what Dishoom delivers. It is only a whole lot
of noise and bluster, if one discounts the stylish mounting and sparkling cinematography. The audience sits
through the cacophony hoping for a genuine knockout
blow to be delivered somewhere down the line. It never
materialises. Dishoom doesn't land a single half-decent
punch.
30 | BOOM