Over
the
next
three
years,
we
traveled
to
my
darkest
days,
most
of
them
three
decades
old.
We
explored
all
the
hideous
corners
of
my
mind,
heart,
and
ego.
He
helped
me
feel
my
anger
down
to
the
chilling
core,
and
most
of
it
lived
with
other
people
for
what
they
did
and
didn't
do
when
I
really
needed
help
all
those
years
ago.
Because
those
cries
for
help,
literal
and
figurative,
went
unanswered
as
a
child,
I
learned
to
rely
only
on
myself
as
an
adult.
I
was
the
one
person
I
could
trust.
Until
now.
Because
I
wanted
to
feel
wanted,
I
focused
my
attention
on
people
who
needed
my
help,
especially
those
who
didn’t
want
it.
I
was
a
passive
aggressive
martyr,
the
kind
that
self-‐inflicts
pain
as
if
paying
forward
a
karmic
debt
of
my
own
invention.
Brian
showed
me
that
it’s
twisted,
but
rampant,
in
our
society.
I
was
good
at
hiding
it
from
everyone,
even
myself,
until
a
thick
black
smoke
melted
its
disguise
of
good
will
along
with
almost
all
of
my
belongings.
After
that
first
session,
I
was
a
willing
and
diligent
student.
Brian
walked
the
walk
with
me.
He
never
abandoned
me,
even
when
I
was
difficult,
unruly,
and
stubborn.
He
was
a
faithful
guide
who
took
on
the
goal
of
being
with
me
as
long
as
I
needed
him,
and
I
trusted
him
to
get
me
where
I
needed
to
go.
He
was
the
well-‐traveled
Sherpa
along
the
bumpy,
uncomfortable
road
of
recovery,
forgiveness,
and
personal
evolution.
He
taught
me
that
I
was
enough.
7