The Children
“Musa yelled at me”, Mahliq cried. While they are close now, the beginning was rocky. My son was an 11-year-old boy who did not appreciate a man living in his home. For most of his life, it was just the three of us. In Abu Dhabi there were many American brothers in the community who helped with him, but he never lived with a man who served in the capacity of a father. So, my son pushed the boundaries and my husband responded in the way that he understood. He was sometimes curt, at times was rude, but mostly he thought that my son should obey him just because he my husband.
He avoided my 16-year-old daughter completely. He later explained that I didn’t help when I said that I was closely watching his interactions with her. Unfortunately, too many women invite men into their homes and they are inappropriate. Even though he thought I was crazy for speaking this directly about it, I did nevertheless. Unexpectedly, this created a discomfort in him and an awkwardness in their interactions that took years to remedy.
My children and I missed our bedroom chat sessions where everyone would gather in my room and we’d talk about the day’s occurrences. We missed the times when it was just us. While I loved my husband, this was not a smooth transition. Sometimes we didn’t understand him, other times he didn’t understand us. It was as if was an extra in our home.
Baby Girl and Baby Boy
She cries, she whines, and she is spoiled to the core, but she is our Meerah. Her arrival was celebrated fully from the baby shower to the naming ceremony that was attended by over 50 people in our home. Meerah brought us together. Her New Year’s birth was a beautiful moment.
Baby Girl and Baby Boy
She cries, she whines, and she is spoiled to the core, but she is our Meerah. Her arrival was celebrated fully from the baby shower to the naming ceremony that was attended by over 50 people in our home. Meerah brought us together. Her New Year’s birth was a beautiful moment.
Fifteen months after Meerah, Baby Musa arrived. His birth was the most comfortable for us all. He came quick. It seems as though he was destined to be easy. He was another welcome addition to our clan and our family couldn’t have felt more complete.
Culture Clash
There are so many issues that we disagree on as an intercultural couple. At times it is as minute as the fact that my husband doesn’t see fruit flies as an unnecessary nuisance, to the fact that he doesn’t understand nor carry out romance in the ways that I need. For him is just a fantasy created for movies and television.
He expected an obedient wife who would not speak to him in the direct ways that I do. He desired a woman who would have this rock star admiration for him.
He was emotionally absent and if I did something that he didn’t appreciate, instead of speaking about it, he would remain silent for days. I was too aggressive. I told him EVERYTHING I didn’t like plus some. We were no longer building a friendship, we were building walls.
When he saw that the job prospects in Abu Dhabi weren’t sufficient (if you know anything about the employment landscape of Abu Dhabi for many Africans, you’d understand this clearly). He planned to leave for a few months to begin work on a project in Sierra Leone, while I remained with the children. This is common for many African couples. It was the example his father set. He’d go on these month-long diamond trading expeditions while his wife remained with the children. The problem was, I wasn’t his mother and he is not his father. I have a career and working full time with two young children abroad was my reality. Additionally, I am not an African woman who was raised to believe or understand this idea. For me, a father is an active part of the home and he and the mother work together to raise children. This issue was the beginning of a tumultuous time in our relationship. And while and untimely, almost deadly illness solved this problem, I am sure it will rear its ugly head again.
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