As a parent, I’strive to build a frame for their information, but to allow them to paint their own picture. I’ve felt this to be important because, while we have our own views, we do want our children to grow into their own concepts of life and the world. The one area I’ve consciously sought to do this has been race relations in America. With their time being primarily spent in Oman and Kenya, my children’s notion of race was a blend of movies, magazines and their interactions with white people. And coincidentally, many of the white people they come across are generally European or Australian.
In this context, I’ve observed that while my children have learned about the issues regarding whites and blacks in American history, they’ve also learned to differentiate between the actions of people, individuals and society as a whole. And what I’ve personally found interesting is, they’re able to do so consciously.
The most difficult part of being a proud black father abroad is my children not getting to know their other side of the family as much. I’m truly blessed to be close to both my father and mother’s side of the families and I grew up around a host of cousins, aunts, uncles and extended family from South Carolina, Maryland, Ohio and New York. This part of the black experience is not something which can be taught in a book, explained over dinner or imagined on the couch. It has to be lived in family vacations, trips to grandma’s house and basketball games at the park. In this vein, we’re actively working to create more space and opportunities for us to visit the States more often. Based on my own experiences, it’s a lot easier for children to create life long bonds and memories if they meet their family when they’re younger. This is very important. This part of being abroad is one discussion every family has and the parents must be honest about what it entails and how they believe it will impact their children. Sometimes it may not appear to be measurable, but as you see how your children grow, you do realize their family and surroundings can play a tremendous role in them reaching their potential.
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