What do I need to know about… Time Outs?
By Joanne Thorley—NCT Editor
Lots of parents use time out as a means to help their child learn about desirable and undesirable behaviour. If
you’re considering using time out as one of the arsenal of tools in your family, or if you’ve been trying it and
haven’t had much success, maybe some of these hints may help:
What is time out for?
Time out is a brief period of time when the child who is misbehaving is removed from the parent or from the activity they were taking part in. The idea is that it removes attention from the child while they are not behaving
well, rather than reinforcing the undesirable behaviour by giving negative attention.
Time out is also a period of time out for the parent – it often allows a wound up parent to calm down and be able
to deal with the child more effectively. Time out is not a ‘punishment’ in itself, just a chance to put a pause in the
action.
How should it work?
Time out works best when it is used after the child been given an opportunity (has been asked) to change their
behaviour and has not done so. Putting children straight into time out without warning can sometimes be
confusing.
Most experts recommend no more one minute of time out for every year of age the child has, e.g. three minutes
for a three year old.
The time out place must be less stimulating than the place they have been removed from, so a bedroom full of
cool toys is not the greatest place to pick.
Because it is a breather for the child to think about their actions and not a punishment, time out should ideally be
dealt with matter-of-factly and not with loads of negotiations or telling off. It can be a quiet place in the same
room, a step, a hallway, or a boring room, but never somewhere dark or scary.
How do I do a time out?
First tell the child what they need to do / stop doing.
If they don’t comply, tell them again in a firm voice and add “If you don’t do it you will have to have a time out.”
If they don’t comply, lead them calmly to their time out place and tell them firmly again why they are going there.
Don’t get into long explanations, apologies or bargaining, just repeat the instruction and keep conversation to a
minimum.
Ignore shouting or complaining. Time out starts when the child is calm. Set a timer if needed. Sometimes
parents have to initially hold a door closed or stand next to the child to ensure they stay put. The child needs to
know they are safe and someone is nearby but that this is non-negotiable. Don’t talk during time out.
When the time out is over, tell the child they can come back. Repeat the instruction. If they don’t comply, start
again.
Alternatives to time out
Take a 5 minute break together
Problem solve together
Ask questions
Read a story together
Use puppets to explain
Give two choices
Go outside together
Draw a picture of the problem
Invite child to use a chill-out corner
“The best inheritance a parent can give to his
children is a few minutes of their time each
day”.
- M.Grundler
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