Double birth story
NCT Editor—byfleeteditors
Scarlett was always a big wriggler - I absolutely loved that feeling - but I vividly remember my community midwife telling me that if I ever felt reduced movements I should go to the hospital to be checked out. I never wanted to be someone that “bothered” midwives unnecessarily, but at 30 weeks I’d been a little worried for a couple
of days that she didn’t seem to be quite as active as usual, so I took myself up to the hospital, genuinely more
worried that it was late. When the midwife couldn’t find a heartbeat and she went to find a doctor to do a scan, I
phoned my husband. I just knew it wasn’t normal at this gestation for them not to find a heartbeat pretty quickly.
A registrar came with a mobile scanner and even my inexperienced eyes could see there was no movement on
the picture where there should have been. She didn’t want to say anything for sure until the consultant
confirmed it, but I just knew. My little girl would never wriggle again.
My husband and my sister came to be with me. I knew that I would have to deliver her, although I remember my
husband asking whether a C-Section might be more humane for me somehow. But I knew straight away that I
needed to bring Scarlett into the world in the most normal and natural way possible. I was given a drug to help
get my body ready for delivery, and some sleeping tablets to help me get through the following few days before I
would be induced. The day later, I was introduced to the hospital’s bereavement midwife, Jane. Little did I know
what a big part of my life she would become over the next 3 years. We talked about all sorts of things, but the
best piece of advice she gave me was not to think any further beyond how I wanted to spend the time I would
get with my little girl. There would be time to think about funerals later.
I spent the next two days getting organised and packing my hospital bag. Things needed taking out: I wouldn’t
need a supply of nappies. Other things needed to be bought: I needed a beautiful outfit that would fit a 30 week
old baby. Friends and family rallied around me. My brother-in-law bought me a TENS machine, my best friend
went shopping for babygrows because I just couldn’t face it, and my husband held me through all the tears.
I went into hospital with my husband at around 10am three days later to be induced. My sister joined us later
and was a total rock. Labour ward was waiting for me and we were given a private room. The registrar who’d
delivered the heartbreaking news just a few days earlier was there to induce me - it was good to see a familiar
face. Liz, the midwife who spent the day with me was fantastic. I needed reassurance that my daughter would
look beautiful which she gave me. I think she understood my need for normality. By around 2pm I had what I
would describe as mild period pains so I got my TENS machine working. By 5pm I was enjoying the gas and air,
while simultaneously watching Strictly and eating lasagne! People find it odd when I tell them that I actually had
a lot of fun during labour. I was just desperate to see the beautiful baby we had created. I wanted to hold her
and tell her how much I loved her. My labour finally started to be well-established around 8pm and a couple of
hours later I decided that this was no time to be a hero and that I would have an epidural. I’m glad I did - it enabled me to get some sleep, particularly as I learnt I was only 1cm by the time it went in. I suppose my body was
really quite a long way from being ready for labour.
Around 5am the next morning, I felt like the epidural was no longer working so well and I needed gas and air as
well. At this point I think I was going through transition. My waters we