ME You ME
Eui Young Kim
It’s hard being me.
But I can put on a pretty good act when I want to.
I’ve had years of practice, after all.
*****
It doesn’t make sense, nothing is right in this whole wide world because I’ve lost him – I’ve
never had him to begin with – and everything is changing. I cut my hair so short I can see
my eyebrows below my bangs and my back hair above my shoulders. It feels brilliant, like the
weight of the world has lifted from my shoulders, locks of my hair going snip snip snip and
falling on my lap, like everything I didn’t say and wouldn’t ever say just going down the bin
along with my hair.
It feels like freedom in every sense of the word, because you’re only ever free when you have
nothing to lose. It’s liberating to feel my hair so light, flying everywhere whenever I run.
He once told me I look better with my hair long instead of short like I’ve had for the most of
my life. I didn’t believe him but I did it anyway because it was him.
I was so awfully fond of him.
*****
I start laughing and smiling and ease on the glares and frowns. The change happens so gradually that one day I look into the mirror—for the first time in forever—and realize that bright
might be a good look on me. That my mouth might look better upturned than downturned, that
my eyes might look better crinkled with joy than flint hard and ice cold. It takes me by surprise.
People throw jokes around me, call me cute and laugh at my expressions – they call it expressive – and I don’t believe them for a second.
37
Antonio Stark | design