A other ’ s
By Carla Zuill
LOVE
We all know that sometimes getting
your child to complete a homework assignment can be painful . Add an undiagnosed learning disorder into the mix , and the outcome will rarely have a happy ending .
Single mother of three , Monique Stevens , knows about this firsthand . For years she struggled with her oldest son Xavé ’ s immense dislike for school . Completing assignments were an issue of contention for both of them , which would leave either one of them — and sometimes both — in tears .
Although 12-year-old Xavé did not receive a diagnosis until he was eight , Monique shares with Bermuda Parent Magazine that she suspected that something was amiss with him from as young as four .
“ When Xavé was smaller , he didn ’ t speak fluently until he was three . When I compared him to other children , I was concerned but I understood that every child develops differently so I tried to look at it from that angle . When he was in preschool , he wasn ’ t comprehending sounds of letters and struggled with sound recognition . But despite this , she says , no recommendations were made from his school .
Monique , who is a Warwick Parish Constable with the Bermuda Police Service , and mom to Xion , 10 , and Xario , two , says it wasn ’ t until Xavé entered Primary 2 that his teacher suggested that he be assessed . She agreed that it needed to be done but she says she had no clue what to expect .
During that time , Monique was working shifts and found herself extremely busy balancing work and parenting . She says with the amount of information that was needed , including reports from past and present teachers and doctors , she felt overwhelmed — and caused her to freeze .
“ I overthought it ,” she admits . “ And on top of it all , I was dealing with the fact that he may have challenges . Homework was like pulling teeth . He said school was hard and it was difficult getting him to focus . There were times when I gave up on homework . He cried and was easily distracted and his teacher said he was struggling to concentrate in school .”
Eighteen months after receiving the assessment forms , Monique finally turned them in , something that she says she wrestles with in hindsight .
“ It was hard and I do feel a little guilty about taking so long ,” she laments .
After completing an assessment at Child and Adolescent Services , then-eight-year-old Xavé was diagnosed with ADHD . Shortly after , he was also diagnosed with dyslexia .
“ I was a bit devastated because I felt I was pushing him and he did not have the proper tools to apply to help him succeed .
“ I felt like I should have followed my first mind and started the process much earlier . I would have saved him the stress and time .”
Monique says despite Xavé ’ s ADHD diagnosis , she chose not to medicate her son . Instead , she says , she wanted to take a holistic approach and adjusted his dietary intake .
Xavé ’ s diagnosis caused Monique to reevaluate her parenting style : “ My perspective on patience had to change because I was raised from the perspective of immediate response . When I was a child I had to move
14 | BERMUDA PARENT MAGAZINE