Welcome to the journey of self-discovery and self-acceptance, learning how to reaccept your body after medical issues. It has been over 15 years since I took a vacation, so when I had the chance to go to Sedona AZ and Las Vegas NV I jumped on board. I found that I was nervous about being in public on a continual bases, I had not been outside of my comfort zone for over two years, since my own health issues had become a problem for me. It was difficult to come to terms with the fact I now couldn’t do all the things I once was did and it affected how I viewed my body. As an educator and a student of life I am continually searching and learning about things around me, including myself. I found that positive body image is vitally important to have for self as we continue to change throughout our lives. I am a big beautiful woman and for years I suffered from what I call the ugly duckling syndrome. I once had a low self-esteem and felt I was too ugly for anyone to ever love me. I felt because I wasn’t the perfect 10 that no one would ever notice or love me for who I was. I starved myself, went on diet pills just to lose weight to fit in. I felt awkward when it came to feeling sexy enough to even want to explore my sexuality. I wanted the lights off when it came time to taking off my clothes. I felt that if they didn’t see my body then it wouldn’t matter and hopefully they would still find me sexy. Thank goodness over the years I learned that true beauty comes from within radiating out for all to see. I find there are still times I question myself whether or not I look alright and there are days I do not even feel fit for human consumption.
I decided to write about my own personal journey of rediscovering my body through this awesome vacation. I believe that people have a certain expectations of themselves based on what they have learned from family, peers, and the media about how they look. I do believe that we are the hardest on ourselves when we feel we do not fit into the norm, but the question is what is the norm and by whose standard are we judged? What are we teaching our children when we are insecure and feel shame about our own bodies? If we are uncomfortable within our own bodies, how can we expect to have anyone else to be comfortable with us?
Learning to be comfortable within one's own skin can be a difficult journey although it is worth it. Learning how your body functions on a physical level is a good place to start. Take an exploration of what makes your body move, what happens chemically to your body when something is wrong. Each of our bodies is different and there are years of ancestry DNA that have a deciding factor in how you are shaped. We need to look at all different factors that make up who we are as individuals.
For me it was hard to accept the fact I now have physical limitations that prevent me from doing any kind of running, long distance walking and sometimes even the simplest of things like standing or sitting can be painful. For someone who has been active all their lives as a chef and doing performing arts, it was hard for me to accept the body changes that I am experiencing now. I kept looking at my body trying to find something that I liked when I felt such betrayal from it, I felt frustrated and angry that nothing fit right, and I felt as if I didn’t even fit into my own skin anymore.
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