Hello to whoever may be reading this. You may be a user of online massively multi-player games in which
case you may understand where I am coming from or you may not, in which case you probably won’t. I am
a user of an online virtual world, an online experience in which real people are represented through virtual
representations (a bit like cartoon characters) called avatars. People meet and chat and can take part in various
virtual online experiences. People make various kinds of connections within the virtual world transient, some
lasting. People become good friends and some fall in love and partner with other people within this world.
The latter has happened to me several times.
I do not consider myself naive, as an older adult, I consider myself to be well adjusted and working in a professional
occupation. I am not given to flights of fancy or drama. A few months ago I met someone who became special to me,
and I to him. We became friends and spent many happy times together in world. I felt special because this person had
been a member for much longer than me and had not wanted to partner with anyone. He told me that I had showed him what he was missing. I was in love, pure and simple, as was he. Our avatars met in world, but we were both sat at our computers in the real world communicating as two real people. The feelings were real for both of us.
My heartbreak began in February when my boyfriend became friends with another woman who hung out in the same areas as we did. It was obvious they were close. People began to tell me that there was more than friendship going on between the two of them. The seeds of doubt were planted but I had no actual proof. My boyfriend remained attentive to me, his friend became my friend and for a while I put the doubts from my mind.
Then, their online behavior began to look suspicious to even me, although again I had no actual proof of anything. And then of course, the inevitable happened, I caught them together in one of our Zabys. I challenged him on this and he admitted he was a player and though he loved me, this is how he wanted to play the game. It was either his way or the highway. I chose his way. I regretted that later. It was a silly thing to do but I loved him so much I really wanted it to work. For a long time the joy left the game for me.
Remember what I wrote earlier? That I’m a mature, well-adjusted adult? I tell myself this and yet it doesn’t stop the pain I’m feeling. I can honestly say I have never experienced a greater feeling of misery in my life. My heartbreak exists here in the real world and what makes it worse is there is no one I can talk to about it. Who could even understand? Certainly none of my friends in the real (and not virtual) world. I thought that maybe the pain would heal quickly due to the nature of this relationship but a weeks after the break up I am as miserable as ever.
I am also posting this in case there is someone else out there that feels alone and hurting. You are not alone and you are not foolish or silly. There are real people behind those key boards with real feelings. This is the only way I can communicate what I’m feeling and the only way for me to begin to get things out of my system so I can move on!
Virtual Heartbreak