As browse at our nearest drug store, I walked through the section where they have the Hallmark Cards and the wrapping paper. As I browse, I noticed Father’s Day Cards. My mind drifts and memories come in my mind and some to my mind’s eye.
My father was a tall, handsome and had blue eyes. I still see the great smile he had to compliment his face. My father really liked to laugh and have a good time. When I think of my Father, always the first thing I think of and best way I can describe him – he was a full blooded American “man” who was proud and loved his country very much. He did come from the “greatest generation” and was in the Navy during WWII. With my father there were no grey areas. Everything was black and white. A woman belonged in the house with her children and never should a woman mow the lawn. A man should be a man and do the hard physical work. He had a great worth ethic and always expected one to work in a capacity and no free rides. I always laugh when I think of how he loathed the long hair on the guys in the late 60’s and 70’s.
My father was raised in Pennsylvania and was the youngest of 5 children. He was not from a wealthy family and would tell stories of how little they had to eat especially during the depression. He loved his family and often told stories of his brother and sisters, mother and father. He loved to hunt and fish as a young man often did this much later in years. I remember him coming home from his fishing trips from Canada with a beard. He would never shave during that time and that was the only time I ever saw him with a beard. I have a sister and sometimes I think he wanted a son very badly. He would take my sister and me fishing, as young girls, and taught us how to bait a hook and cast the line.
I remember picnics and trips to the lake. I remember a weekend trip to Atlantic City when I was a young teen and a trip to the World’s Fair in Manhattan. I still remember as we went back to the hotel in Manhattan, we noticed the Rolling Stones in a taxi. My father ran with my sister and me so we could get a glimpse of them. My father made sure I had a car to go to college with and then helped me get another car, later, when I went to work. Later, he gave me the wedding and the trimmings I wanted.
Oh how he loved my sons. I still see him packing a huge lunch and taking my oldest son fishing when he was 4. I think they went to eat more than fish sometimes. When my oldest two were a little older, my father began to teach them about guns and how to respect them. He went to swimming lessons with them and sporting events in their early years.
My father did have a dark side to him. He was a functional alcoholic but the drink made his personality turn nasty and very argumentative. Looking back now, I remember some of memories. Some, seem so dark, as I reflect. He took his work very seriously but most days after work, weekends and holidays were times spent drinking. His drink of choice was beer and shots of Seagram 7. I saw some ugly things. Ruined dinners, ruined family times and much embarrassment. I remember many nasty arguments with him and with my mother after drinking. Things that were hard to hear, understand and so very hurtful. I spent many hours crying, and shedding so many tears and hating.
My father was able to retire early, through no choice of his own. He took a few part time jobs to compensate his income. At this time I began to see my father cut down remarkably on his drinking. I began to want to spend more time with him. Later, when I separated from my husband, my father was a constant friend to me. I was home with younger children and he would come daily to check on me and we were able to sit and talk about anything for long periods of time. I remember those conversations and how we would sit and laugh and enjoy each other, finally, as two adults.
When I look back I see how I was robbed of a wonderful father and the closeness we might have had much sooner. I longed for my father in younger and teen years. A father that was coherent and free of his dependency. I needed him then but he wasn’t there.
As I sit here and reflect, I know now how lucky I am to have known my father much better in the last years of his life. He was there for me then all the time…he was my constant rock. When he died suddenly I experienced a great loss. I would sit many days and just think any minute he would be walking through the door.
For those of you who have your Father make sure this Father’s day you think of the good and bad and take the good and forgive. Appreciate your Father for who they are after all they are not perfect. Make amends if you must. You could be surprised what a new door could open for you. Call him, or go visit him if you can. Make sure he knows you love him. Our family is a gift. Don’t waste valuable time because life is so short. I see that now. Give him a hug if you can and give him one for me too.
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