If I am anything in this situation we call 'LIFE' – I am an OBSERVER. I pay close attention to people, their behaviors, the things they say, and more importantly the things that they do. While on this selected course that God has placed me on, I have been fortunate enough to have encountered a diverse group of ladies and one very charming older gentleman. Each morning we sit, make small talk, and do the ritual pleasantries of the morning. However, on this particular day, something is different. Nothing is off kilter or no longer pleasant; but it’s a distinctive SHIFT in the room.
As I sat in the waiting room on THIS morning awaiting my turn to be 'laser tagged'. I witnessed something extraordinary right before my eyes. There were two ladies of whom I have never seen before this morning, each with a radiant glow that made them stand out in my eyes. Both ladies were there to obtain their final CHEMOTHERAPY treatments and the strength they showed not just to me but to one another made my heart smile. Have you ever found yourself in a state of being ALONE? Yet somehow God will remind you that although you might feel alone you are NOT in THIS by yourself no matter what your THIS may happen to be. (Acts 26:19-26)
I sat in admiration and adoration on this day of the lady who is always so upbeat and kind that comes in with her husband (whom she has been with since she was 16) that leans over squeezes her hand and pats her leg when her name is called. I have come to look forward to hearing the older gentleman walk in and with the cutest southern charm utter the words, “Well, one more time!” It was another Friday, but somehow I was keenly aware of everything around me. This morning, this FRIDAY morning filled me to a new level in my spirit. At first, I questioned it and then I remembered something that had taken place the day before.
I was having a conversation with my own personal 'SUPERHERO' and I began to explain and vent my frustrations for all of things that I felt were so simple that people shrug off as everyday task that I could no longer do. I said softly, “I just don’t understand it’s a simple task, why can’t I do it?” Through a tear strained voice I continued, “I look at the gentleman who sits beside me each morning who simply wants to shave, the woman who had to cease treatment of anal cancer because she had become so badly burned to the point that she was raw and using the bathroom is EXCRUTIATUNG, or the lady who said, “It’s just too hard to hold the baby right now. What am I missing?” The voice on the other end of phone spoke so calmly and said, “It’s amazing how calamity makes cousins of us all. What you might see as chaos, in actuality you have people who have become related to you because of circumstance and they will somehow get you through and to the place of being alright with the state that you are in.” LORD – Have I thanked you lately for that voice of 'SANITY' that you have so graciously placed in my WHOLE WORLD?
'Bernice' sat beside me and began to speak about how she received a facetime chat with her children and grandchildren that morning because they were excited that today was her last day of chemotherapy. She spoke of how they were going to take her out to dinner to celebrate and she was more excited to spend time with them than the meal itself. I listened intently as she told of how things were going both the good and the bad in her life, but she somehow found a way to make the best of her situation. I only witnessed her voice fall once in the entire time she sat there sharing tidbits of her life with strangers that were now like her family and that was when she spoke of having to wait for a few months to obtain her results. To hear her say, “But I am not worried,” in those four words she spoke such volumes.
Life can happen so fast, but you have to know that you are not alone. I listened to Bishop T.D. Jakes one day and (who knew that listening to that sermon all those months ago would resonate in my mind now) he said, “You can’t expect to get through a trial without some evidence. Although you might bend, stumble and cry YOU CAN’T QUIT. Don’t lose your faith in God and never lose FAITH in yourself.” I refuse to believe that all the while I was sitting there, 'All in my feelings,' that God did not send this beautiful people to remind me that I was ALONE but not ALONE!
The last day of 'Alice’s' treatment she came in the room with the look of, 'I am so glad to see you, but bye,' all over herself and her spirit was so infectious! 'Alice' began going around the room saying her goodbyes, but she came to me last. She took me in her arms and whispered in my ear, “It’s hard now, but your last day is just around the corner; although I won’t see you anymore I will be thinking of you. You have been in so much pain lately; but I love that you are a FIGHTER and God honors your commitment but promise that even when it’s hard, you won’t stop fighting. I am going to miss that pretty smile, but it is almost over and you will win this!” (OK – HOLD UP – Is anyone else in tears because I am writing this and remembering the moment and I was a big ole baby then and I am CERTAINLY one right now.
Through my moments of feeling like it was just me, or when I felt I was standing all on my own, and even when I felt as if no one would truly understood how I was feeling, God reminded me along the way; but this one day he put it in my face it is not just you little girl. Whether it is chaos, calamity, or crossroads you, know we have to remember that when God says, “I will never leave you or forsake you,” remember to take him at his word. People on our pathways are often times what gets us to the levels in God that we should aspire to achieve. Whether we get there by PURPOSE or by PAIN just get there! The way will seem lost and that rabbit hole will appear dark and dreary, but keep remembering that your temporary situation is nothing compared to the final conclusion God has already ordained for you. I thank God on a daily basis that in the midst of it all, “BUT YET – I AM NOT ALONE.”