I can’t tell you how many times during the holiday season I hear people say they feel “off” or just not like themselves. Every commercial, jingle or jolly Santa would have us think that during this time of year we “should” be happy, but for me the stress of juggling family, finances and everything else on top of my regular life as a caregiver is hard. And the holiday pressures definitely don’t help. In fact, it’s a recipe for holiday disaster not only for myself but for our entire family.
For years instead of yuletide and merriment I was left wondering if I in fact was almost depressed. I would go through the motions, making sure that the holidays met everyone else’s needs and expectations while secretly I was counting the days until January 2nd when it would all go back to normal. The holidays were about survival for me that is until I realized that for years I had gone through the entire holiday season in a state of mind that was almost depressed.
Now I know that I wasn’t alone in my animosity toward the holiday season, and please don’t get me wrong I love Christmas but as a caregiver change wasn’t my friend, so I just got through it. I decorated a little, baked a little and even celebrated a little. All the while holding back. I wasn’t numb, rather passive in everything relating to the holidays. I didn’t need Norman Rockwell, just no major blowups or meltdowns and a few smiles and I was good, but is good really what I wanted to be aiming for? It is when you are almost depressed.
When we aren’t functioning at full capacity, nothing feels right and nothing really makes us happy, and I challenge us all not to allow ourselves to fall into the trap of good enough. We deserve better and we must go for great. And the first thing we need to do to set the tone for great is make sure we are filling our buckets and recharging our batteries first.
When I learned to step away from the chaos of holiday prep and get in touch with where I was at emotionally our entire holiday experience changed. My family laughed more and participated more because in my case I set the tone. I am the barometer that the family checks in with and when I’m not “on”, no one else is either. So in order for us to have a great Christmas I have to feel great first and then the rest falls into place much easier.
I learned that in order to set a great tone for the season it’s really a 2 step process.
1. Determine where my state of mind is at in the current moment
2.Take action to make it better
I learned how to do these things by utilizing a checklist of identifiers from a blog post written by Dr. Shelley Carson. It’s easy for me to see where others are at, but I was so used to “soldiering on” that I created a new habit of stopping often to check in with myself. I loved that these simple questions that helped me see where my current state of mind was because they helped me uncover whether or not I was actually on the verge of being slightly depressed.
You may be wondering why is it so important to find out if you are almost depressed and Dr Carson explains it perfectly in the following information from her post:
There are two main reasons to why it is important to know if you are almost depressed:
Are the Holiday's Making You Wonder If You Are Almost Depressed?
By: Judy Davis