Battling BARE's Teal Star: The #PTSD Magazine Volume 3, December 2014 | Page 25

I immediately secured a lawyer and was able to get 2 of my children. both boys, back in 16 days. They returned to me traumatize and deeply scarred emotionally—I would spend nights roaming room to room, sleeping on the floor beside them—soothing them from nightmares and ensuring they didn’t hurt themselves.

My youngest child I never saw again because I’d discovered my child had been sold to a buyer.

One of my son’s who was returned to me was given a “cash offer” from CAS when he turned 19 to stay quiet and never interact with me again. I know about the offer because I was inadvertently included in the email exchange back and forth—I know why he took the offer, but my heart still aches at losing my son.

During this time I was married. My now ex-husband was always a little narcissistic—like you would expect a “jock” to be, but the power that was given to him by CAS to keep my quiet turned him into a monster. The entire time I was fighting to get my children back, he would withhold food from me, have women come around the house wearing my clothing, throw away one of the shoes to pairs of my shoes and even rape me repeatedly. When I would call the police, my then husband would call my mother, who is a pediatric nurse, to come over. She would tell the police who she was and what she did for a living before telling the police I was schizophrenic or crazy in some way or another, and the police would leave after hearing and believing what she said. I mean, after all, she is a pediatric nurse, right? She must know what she is talking about.

Finally, in 2012, I escaped with my 3 small children from the horror and tyranny of my now ex-husband. I was finally heard and believed. We were given a miracle…a fresh start in the form of a home and freedom from the abuse and sexual assault of my ex. I’d been told before this that “one day I might escape and experience freedom, but it wouldn’t be for long.”

About the time my children and I were settling into our new-found freedom, my ex-colleagues came into the picture saying I was making false allegations. My ex ended up being charged with only 4 counts of sexual assault, but the judge who was presiding over the case was promoted and the case was stayed.

Then on February 25, 2014, I was asked to come into a meeting late on a Friday night. I’d had my girlfriend who lived near where the meeting was to watch the children for me. While I was at this meeting, listening to lie after lie being told about me—lies that I can prove are not true, but have yet to be given the chance—my girlfriend’s house was raided and my children were taken.

Not only were they taken, they were put back into full time custody of my ex—even with the documentation of the charges of 4 counts of sexual assault and abuse against me. I’ve only been able to speak to one of my children once—my daughter who reached out and told me they are scared to death.

I am preparing to face my first Christmas without my children—that I am prevented from speaking to or seeing. Even the picture collages I put together for them, to be able to look at and know that their Mommy loves them and is still fighting to get them back, were ripped up and never given to them.