I was surprised to hear I wasn ’ t the only one who felt blocked from fully knowing TInsley . Even those closest to them said Tinsley was too embarrassed even to share their music taste . For the first time I felt like I was getting a fuller picture of them that wasn ’ t tied up in my shame and sense of failure as a friend . I have come to cherish the bits of joy Tinsley was able to share with me and accept that what was not shared was theirs to keep .
The experience was sacred to me . I knew at that moment that the experience of virtual grief was only going to be a more common occurrence as time passed . That small spark with Colleen led me to want to dive in deeper to find the tools we need to grieve together , to affirm one another , to see and be seen . The first tool came from this moment : ask , give permission to release . In a way the surveys and focus groups contained in this project were my way of initiating the ask-- casting permission to speak and my desire to listen as far out as I can .
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