I was first inspired to work on this project after my friend , Tinsley , passed away in July 2020 . I heard a week late-- our group of friends were scattered and the news travelled slowly through texts and group chats . When word got to me , I was far from anyone who knew them . I felt alone . I was scrambling for any memory that could provide me any answers or solace . I felt a strong sense of protection for them , but they were the type to shy away from that kind of love . They walked around believing themselves to be a burden to everyone . The kind of person who would apologize for apologizing .
INTRODUCTION
I wondered often if my pain was legitimate , I wondered if I ever really knew them , every opportunity I missed to connect felt like a black hole that expanded wider and wider .
Our mutual friends planned a vigil over zoom on Tinsley ’ s birthday , the first week of August . When we first logged on there was silence . We shared small thoughts , but the restraint was palpable . Maybe it was because none of us knew each other that well . Maybe it was the 5 months of isolation . Maybe it was the prospect of being vulnerable about loss . We didn ’ t seem to be able to get where we needed to in our grief .
After 10 or so minutes , my dear friend Colleen ( who has been my thought partner in this project ) showed up , apologizing for being late . As one of our friends nervously said they felt Tinsley at the beach today , Colleen immediately said , “ I want to hear more about that .” That permission to talk more , opened up a vulnerability to share more . It was so simple , I couldn ’ t believe that was all it took to get the conversation flowing . Any doubt that what we had to say was worth sharing was shattered .
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