including pros ’ fishing styles , tournament strategy and game theory . Sideline reporting for fishing tournaments also entails a string of other partial talents . With that , my job is more of a jack-of-all-trades kind of thing – part this and part that . Interestingly , it ’ s the parts and pieces of the sideline gig that the chit-chatters in the airports and restaurants find most amusing .
part boat driver
A critical requirement of on-the-water reporting is being a safe and competent boat driver . Now , I ’ m sure some of my coworkers have their own feelings about my boat driving skills , but contrary to their opinions , safe boat operation is something I take seriously . I ’ m actually credentialed in this regard with a Captain ’ s License from the U . S . Coast Guard . No joke . Navigating unfamiliar waterways in remote locations in search of bass pros can be a dicey proposition . In my defense , in 12 years of driving boats across MLF Cups , Selects and Bass Pro Tour events in waterways all over the country , I ’ ve totally destroyed only one lower unit . That incident occurred in lowwater conditions on Lake Okeechobee . My “ incident record ” also includes two bent prop shafts , thanks to the Mississippi River and Lake D ’ Arbonne .
My proudest accomplishment as a makeshift boat captain is that I ’ ve never speared a wave . This is critical , because the golden rule in television production work , especially around water , is save the camera first , worry about yourself later . I think the cameras we carry when shooting for the Bass Pro Tour actually cost more than the brand-new boats we drive around in . Punching through a wall of water and thoroughly dousing the camera ( and camera operator ) is a good way to be shown the exit in fishing reporting .
part meteorologist
I ’ m not claiming to be Jim Cantore here , but I ’ ve been on the water enough years to know what impending bad weather looks like – in real time and not just on a cell phone .
Today ’ s weather apps are amazing , but there ’ s still a lag time between what ’ s depicted on a screen and what ’ s coming across the water to wallop you , especially if cell service is sketchy .
Call it a squall line , a bow echo , derecho or severe thunderstorm – watching a lake go from slick calm to wind-whipped 3- footers and sideways rain in a matter of minutes is remarkably humbling . Time is of the essence when seeking safe cover from such weather systems and big waves . This is when being a boat driver and meteorologist consume most of my sideline reporting capacities , just to keep the camera dry .
part mechanic
This is probably going to surprise some people , but I am not a mechanical genius … shocker , I ’ m sure . My biggest accomplishment in the world of combustion engines is changing the oil in my lawn mower . The only tool I ’ m good with is a pair of vice grips .
However , since my sideline reporting requires the use of boats and motors , sometimes I ’ m forced into the role of a mechanic without my consent . As mechanic , I focus not so much on actually fixing something but rather on patching things up enough to keep everything working until a permanent fix can be made . With that , I ’ ve found that an emergency duffle bag full of duct tape , zip ties , rope , Flex Seal , bungee cords and super glue works much better than a real toolbox .
Specifically , trolling motors and I don ’ t get along very well . Despite running trolling motors of all makes and models for the last 30 years , trolly troubles are my nemesis . I ’ ve used my shoestrings to replace snapped pull cords . I ’ ve used my own belt to strap down unruly trolling motors in rough water . I once even poached an old nail from a dock to manufacture an expedient sheer pin for the trolly prop . In case you ’ re wondering , I dropped the original sheer pin in the water while trying to unravel a 100-foot trotline from around the prop shaft .
In 30 years of being part mechanic , I ’ ve learned a hard lesson from my own personal experience : Many times , it ’ s “ operator error ,” or the simple things that cause the major malfunctions . For instance , dead batteries , loose connections , tripped breakers , blown fuses , master switches not turned on or a drain plug not installed properly are the little things that can become big problems . Here ’ s a nickel blade ’ s worth of advice : If the outboard won ’ t start , instead of ripping off the cowling and removing the spark plugs with your vice grips because it “ sounds flooded ,” just try checking the kill switch first . Just saying .
part translator
Sometimes , especially in the colder months , the conditions for sideline reporting are not optimal . Conversing with pros often requires shouting over great distances . Due to the wind howling and everyone being cloaked in beanies , buffs and hoods , it ’ s difficult to communicate with pros about their progress while they ’ re trying to fish . This is when I have to fall back on my communications degree that I obtained back when the most prominent way to communicate was on a telephone that plugged into a wall .
Over the years , I ’ ve become well-versed in “ Probassese ” and can translate it through 2 inches of wool over my ears in a 20-knot wind . What does Probassese sound like ? Here are a few examples :
If I ask a pro how he ’ s catching his fish and he yells to me , “ Chad ’ s pawn is toting locks ,” I know he ’ s referring to a shad spawn on floating docks .
Once a pro clued me into the finer points of his pattern by explaining to me , “ fatter socks on with some hip rap malarkey ,” which , of course , I knew meant that the flatter rocks on the riprap are key .
This is a popular piece of Probasseese when covering events in the Ozarks : “ J . R . yawning night thunder clock labels .” You got it – they ’ re spawning right under the dock cables .
This one is a real brain teaser , but once I heard it a few times , I now recognize it right away : “ New hall yurt to Lowe ’ s ! Back office rayon sigh blinds !”
Ahh , yes , of course : Newell , you ’ re too close ! Back off and stay on the sidelines !
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