BAJAN SUN MAGAZINE
OCT 2014
THE
MAN
By Denise J Charles
T
his discussion may seem like
a moot point since it may be
argued that all men are focussed
on sex. Without making the term
“sex-focussed” seem like some
errant disease, it is important to
note
that
sexual
difference
between
men
and
women
continues to plague relationships.
While this article is not meant to
suggest
that
women
are
disinterested in sex, research does
suggest that we tend to have a far
more holistic view of our intimate
relationships. As natural nurturers, we want to
take care of, protect, and improve our
relationships and of course this includes the
sex. For us, sex is important but it is an
aspect of the relationship; not the sum total by
which it is defined.
Our men, on the other hand, often want to
improve the frequency and quality of sex,
while paying scant attention to other aspects
of the relationship. This can be quite a
problem when there are relationship issues
like a lack of verbal communication or the
need to apologise. Men can sometimes
attempt, in these instances, to use sex as a
substitute for discussion. Because, as women
we are wired differently, we often will have
none of this. No matter how good our man is
in the sack, nothing beats actually saying “I love
you” or “I’m sorry”.
Since women and men seem so much at crosspurposes on the issue of sex, how then do we
navigate our relationships? How can we each be
fulfilled in marriage when we’re coming from
entirely different points of reference? Very often
we reach a stalemate because we expect our
partner to love as we do and experience our
relationship as we do. This is not exactly fair
since our hormonal wiring is different. Barring
incidents where sex is used to manipulate,
control or humiliate, as women, we perhaps
need to come to terms with our partner’s
relationship pulse; namely sex. Men by the same
token must accept that their women are
interested in a whole lot more than the latest
sexual position, technique or the number of
times they have sex in a week.
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