BAJAN SUN
Bajan Sun Magazine
SEPT 2014
GOING
ORGASM
By Denise J Charles
T
he sexual climax: its quality, intensity,
longevity, and ability to be experienced
multiple times is pretty much standard fare in
magazines and books that discuss sexuality. And
perhaps it should be. Who wants to go on a journey
without the hope of reaching the end? Who wants
to watch an exciting movie or read a thrilling novel
without enjoying its earth-shattering highpoint? It’s
just how we humans are wired; the end seems even
more
important
than
the
journey.
Having said that, if we transfer this understanding
to our intimate sexual relationships, can we
honestly say that an orgasm always brings with it a
feeling of completion or fulfillment? What exactly
is up when some of us are left wanting and craving
more, even after our orgasm has subsided? And
should we really focus so much on "the end" or
should
we revisit the entire journey?
While I could never trivialize the orgasm and
maintain a straight face, I think that it is never an
end in itself. In other words, it is not a guaranteed
solution to every relationship challenge or problem,
nor does it automatically signify that all is right in
our sexual world. As I point out in my book, great
mind-blowing sex is perhaps about a lot more than
the physical logistics of the penis, vagina and our
other erogenous zones. In the context of marriage,
we are actually attempting to make love to more
than
our
spouse’s
genitals.
Great sex is about connecting with our partner at
the level of body, mind and soul. The term
'psychasm' coined by the author of Super Marital
Sex, Paul Pearsall, Ph. D., actually defines this
concept of a deeper sexual connection quite well.
Accordingly, the psychasm supersedes and goes
beyond just the physical orgasm. It speaks of
absolute vulnerability and openness derived from
lowering barriers; a condition which fosters true
intimacy. Phychasm literally removes the word
"organ" from orgasm and focuses instead on the
psychology of sexual release.
Having the psychasm as a sexual goal may be
desirable but I admit that it may seem somewhat
airy-fairy and difficult to grasp. What exactly is it
and why should we want one? Perhaps it may help
to think of it as more than just a 10-second sexual
event, bu t as an extended state of being which is
capable of redefining the sexual encounter over the
long-term. As Professor Pearsall puts it, we should
have as our goal the sexualization of the entire
marriage, so that intimacy and honesty become
states of being which define the marriage and
enhance the sexual experience. In this way, sex is
holistic and not compartmentalized or limited to the
10-minute romp we have in the bedroom or on the
counter-top.
The following represents practical tips for
maximizing our sexual experience by going beyond
the orgasm into the more integrated experience of
the psychasm.
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