Note : The following piece of literary detritus concerns a subject that is very close to my heart . Indeed , it ' s a matter that a great many people are now thinking and talking about - I am of course referring to the idea of " consent ." I admit , I ' ve hesitated writing these words , mainly because I feared I had nothing intelligent to add . I ' m still not sure that I do . I leave it to you , my dearest reader , to decide for yourself .
Dear reader , let me begin this missive with a confession of sorts : I ' ve never been able to understand the fuss around sexual consent . What I mean is , I understand the issue , I simply don ' t understand the debate around it . The idea of consent , as I understand , follows thusly :
" Consent is an agreement made between people before they engage in any kind of sexual activity . Both people have to say ' yes ' clearly and without pressure . Sexual activity without consent is sexual assault or rape . Consent MUST be given willingly from both parties ."
The reason I bring up this topic is , of course , obvious : The seemingly continuous stream of sexual assault allegations being leveled at many famous and powerful people . What began as a trickle has turned into a flood , as more and more victims step forward . It ' s both disheartening to see just how systemic the issue is , but also gratifying to see the pervasive culture of " victim blaming " being chipped away . It would appear that those who would use their positions and celebrity to abuse and assault others are seeing their precious house of cards collapse around them .
Digression alert : When I wrote the last sentence , it did not immediately strike me how apropos the phrase " house of cards " really was . The muse does indeed work in mysterious ways . End of digression alert .
I will admit that to me , consent seems like a perfectly straightforward concept , and frankly , not one open to interpretation . Despite this , I ' ve heard people - quite seriously - make claims that the involvement of drugs or alcohol , and even certain types of body language , can somehow " represent " consent . The first time I heard this , I honestly thought it was a joke . If only it were .
Allow me , if you would be so kind dear reader , to put forward my own thought on how consent ( between two adults ) should work . It ' s quite simple , and it is directed mostly toward the men , who frankly seem to be the ones having the most difficulty understanding what consent is .
When you are in a situation with a another person , whether or not it may lead to an intimate or sexual encounter , remember this :
YOU DO NOT HAVE CON- SENT BY DEFAULT .
Consent is NOT owed to you .
Consent is NOT a birthright , or a prize of conquest .
Consent is NOT to be taken , assumed or implied .
Consent is NOT a factor of your rank , age , gender or perceived position on the social totem pole .
Consent is NOT a perk of leadership , nor can it be used as a bargaining tool .
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