A
s an empowerment coach,
I get a lot of women who
come to me with self-sab-
otaging tendencies that have
unconsciously made them stuck
on a merry-go-round to nowhere
ville. They have spent most of
their life running from their
problems, hiding their truth and
using every excuse in the book
to not do the work. They crave
something more, ambition, clar-
ity, strength, and faith but have
no idea how to achieve it.
I know these women well be-
cause I spent most of my life
chasing the dream I thought I
wanted, what society told me I
should want. I climbed the cor-
porate latter chasing more power
and money. I wanted the picture
perfect man, the big house, the
nice car and fancy vacations.
Each time I got close to or
achieved one of these “dreams”
I was left still filling unfulfilled.
I still had a void of something
is missing. Of course, I never
listened to my inner voice. I just
continued chasing and always
looking for the next thing that
might fill it.
My void was filled with my
dark shadows and fears that I
numbed with food, alcohol, and
shopping. By 25 I had already
filed for bankruptcy and got
married to my second husband.
Each time something didn’t go
right or something major went
wrong instead of taking it as a
wake-up call or divine guidance,
I returned to my self-sabotaging
ways. This pattern continued for
over ten years. There was al-
ways an excuse of why I couldn’t
change things, what was hold-
ing me back and well just flat
out always trying to out run my
problems. slipped into a major depression
and reached the brink of suicide.
You can’t outrun your problems,
fears or dark shadows. They will
always keep reappearing until
you allow yourself to go through
it. After moving across the coun-
try to completely change my life
I thought I had finally out run
my problems and could live life
differently. Gained over 60 pounds by
numbing out with food and alco-
hol.
I was wrong! In less than 1 year.
I lost my job after a major pro-
motion in the midst of planning
my wedding & building a house.
Moved my father cross country
to care for him after learning he
was terminally ill.
Suffered a major anxiety at-
tack that was misdiagnosed as a
stroke and spent 3 days in ICU.
After the loss of my father, I
The day I stopped making excus-
es and surrendered was the day
my life changed forever. One day
at a time, sometimes one mo-
ment at a time I showed up for
myself, put one foot in front of
the other. I hired my first coach
and began reading every self-
help book I could on a mission to
heal myself and find my purpose.
The problem was I was still chas-
ing “the thing”. I found myself
going right back to my self-sab-
otaging tendencies instead of
facing my fears of being judged,
being seen for who I really was
and constantly comparing myself
to others.
So how did I finally break the
pattern and get off the merry-go
40