wellness
We’ re sold a picture-perfect version of motherhood – all gummy smiles, soft blankets and sleepy cuddles. But what about the mothers who smile for the camera while silently drowning inside?
For many new parents, especially mothers, postpartum depression( PPD) and postpartum anxiety( PPA) are all too real. And while they’ re increasingly discussed, the confusion between“ baby blues” and clinical conditions still leaves many suffering in silence.
Kim Vermaak, a mother of three and author currently completing a book on postpartum depression, knows this firsthand.“ I’ ve lived through the silent storm,” she says.“ After the birth of each of my children, I experienced postpartum depression. But the most harrowing moment came after my first pregnancy, as a single parent. I found myself standing at the edge of a terrifying thought – envisioning holding my baby under the water to stop her crying. That moment shattered me. But it also became the turning point that led me to ask for help.”
The difference between postpartum depression and anxiety
“ Think of it as a car,” says Vermaak.“ Postpartum depression feels like driving on four flat tyres: everything’ s heavy, and you barely move forward. Postpartum anxiety, on the other hand, is like hurtling down the highway with no brakes.”
PPD is often associated with sadness, emotional numbness and feeling disconnected from your baby or even yourself. PPA looks different: racing thoughts, restlessness and a heart that won’ t stop pounding. And yes, many women experience both.
According to a 2025 study, around one in 12 new mothers live with co-occurring PPD and PPA.“ I was a single mom, and the financial stress only made things
www. babysandbeyond. co. za worse,” says Vermaak.“ Every day felt like trying to stay afloat with a lead weight tied to my ankle.”
Baby blues or something more?
It’ s important to distinguish between baby blues and something more serious.“ The blues are short-lived, a dip that lasts a week or two while your hormones recalibrate,” Vermaak explains.“ But if those feelings stretch on and begin to interfere with daily life, it might be more than that.”
She cautions that not all healthcare providers understand the full picture.“ Some are quick to prescribe without acknowledging the importance of human connection, community or learning how to cope in healthier ways.”
Warning signs to watch for
High-functioning, yet fading
Postpartum depression doesn’ t always look like collapse.“ I showed up. I smiled. I met deadlines,” says Vermaak.“ But on Sundays after church, I’ d cry watching soapies. I wasn’ t just sad … I was exhausted and emotionally empty.”
For high-functioning women, the signs often get missed:
• Obsessive planning or hyperproductivity
• Irritability or unexplained rage
• Emotional numbness masked by professional success
• Social withdrawal
• Shame or guilt despite‘ doing it all’
“ People said,‘ You’ re coping so well.’ But I was breaking.”
“ Sometimes, you become a character in a story you no longer recognise,” Vermaak says. Here are some red flags...
• Trouble sleeping, even when the baby sleeps
• Constant guilt or fear of‘ doing everything wrong’
• Feeling emotionally numb
• Intrusive or scary thoughts
• A disinterest in things you used to enjoy
• Difficulty bonding with your baby
When you no longer want to attend to your crying baby, or worse, you imagine hurting them, those are unmistakable signals that your brain is overwhelmed and crying out for help.
Vermaak remembers:“ Once, I put suitcases around my baby on the bed to make sure she wouldn’ t fall. Then I went to the kitchen and sat sobbing on the floor. I just needed to get away from the crying. My partner came home, scooped her up and told me to take a bath. That hour helped. But later, as a single parent, the anxiety got worse.”
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