parenting
In today’ s fast-paced, on-demand world, it’ s no wonder our children are growing up expecting things NOW. From sameday deliveries to endless streaming, instant gratification has become the norm. But according to Daniella Mair, a seasoned family therapist, this cultural shift is quietly influencing the way we parent, and not always for the better.
“ We are subconsciously teaching our children that instant gratification is the only way to live,” says Mair.“ The idea of working towards something has become somewhat of an urban legend.”
So how do we raise kids who are grateful, giving and grounded, instead of entitled and always wanting more?
Modelling gratitude without preaching
If you try too hard to teach gratitude it can come across as forced or insincere. Mair assures us that the trick lies in subtle, everyday modelling.
“ Children have an unbelievable knack for modelling behaviour,” she says.“ They also automatically switch off when something is too formal or‘ preachy’.”
Her advice? Keep it simple. Say thank you out loud – to the bus driver, the neighbour who lent you sugar or the barista who nailed your coffee order. And don’ t forget your kids.“ Be sure to shower them with thank-yous, too! They’ ll learn how it feels to be on the receiving end, which will encourage them to pay it forward.”
You can also weave gratitude into daily chats. Try phrases like,“ I love it when we all have dinner together”. Or,“ I’ m so happy the sun came out today”. These comments help children link positive emotions with everyday moments. And for an easy end-of-day ritual, Mair suggests:“ At bedtime or dinner, ask your children to share one thing that made them feel good that day.”
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And remember, gratitude isn’ t just verbal.“ Show it through actions,” Mair adds.“ Paint an extra picture for a friend, or buy a little treat for someone special. This shows kids that gratitude isn’ t just about saying thank you – it’ s about doing.”
Teaching the joy of giving
With kids constantly bombarded by ads and YouTube unboxings, it’ s easy for generosity to take a back seat. But Mair says there are age-appropriate ways to bring back the joy of giving.
For toddlers and little ones?“ Teach them to share toys or help with small tasks. Use phrases like,‘ We’ re baking Dad a cake because we love him.’ Simple language goes a long way.”
Primary-aged kids love to do, so get them involved.“ Help them gather books to donate or write thank-you notes. It’ s the effort that builds the feel-good connection.”
And for tweens and teens?“ Let them choose causes that matter to them. Maybe it’ s volunteering at an animal shelter or joining a community clean-up. When they give their time, they learn that generosity isn’ t always about money.”
Dealing with those“ It’ s not fair!” moments
We’ ve all heard it:“ But they have the new phone and I don’ t!” Mair encourages parents to refrain from lecturing; rather, approach these moments with empathy.
“ Never ever dismiss their feelings. Validate first, dissect later,” she advises.“ Let them feel heard, then help them explore the difference between wants and needs.”
She also recommends age-appropriate honesty.“ It’ s not sustainable to give your children everything they want. And it does them no favours.” Instead, she says, help them earn the extras.
“ When children truly earn things they want, they find so much more value in them.”
And perhaps the best parenting reframe of all?“ By not giving them everything, we teach them qualities that are so much more important – compassion, understanding, value, and an unbelievable sense of pride and accomplishment.”
And that, surely, is worth the wait. �
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