I captured a lot of miracle moments in that season , but I also wished too many away . I used to wish they were out of diapers . I used to wish they ’ d just sleep through the night . I used to wish for a bit of “ me time .”
There were nights when I would lie down with them until they fell asleep , and I would be entirely present in that moment , running my fingers through silky hair as I told them story after story . Those were beautiful nights .
Then , of course there were other nights when I just wanted to be done . I felt frustrated that they couldn ’ t go to sleep on their own , and I questioned every parenting decision I ’ d made up to that point . Those were wasted nights . I accept grace for those nights . I am only human , after all . What felt like the season that would never end suddenly did .
I realized recently that I can no longer pick up my youngest son . He ’ s too big . Too heavy . When did that happen ? When was the last time I sat him down off my hip ? My oldest son is nearly half way to adulthood now . Wasn ’ t he just under my feet , asking me to play trains while I was trying to feed his baby brother ?
If you are in a tough season , I want to offer you some encouragement today . I know it feels like she will never be potty trained or that he will never sleep through the night . I know you wonder if he will ever stop hitting or start sharing . You lie down at night weary from the day , unable to rest because you feel guilty for yelling .