FAMILY MATTERS
Bradley Morales
25
My sister and I have lost both my parents, Elyse and Victor Morales. My father passed away when I was ten, and my mother when I was eighteen. I usually tell people that they passed because of heart issues, but they were both heavy into selling and using drugs. I went to get my heart checked about a year ago and told the doctor that heart conditions run in my family. She told me that everything looked fine, so I think it was more the drug use that did it. It makes sense. My dad was an awesome guy. His children were the most important thing to him. He was hard working, in the military for 4 years. Very friendly, very playful, and funny. He always used to make the joke,“ I‘ peak my nose, I‘ peak my ass, but I don’ t‘ peak Spanish.” The amount of love that showed when he died made me think,“ Wow, this guy had an impact.” There was something like 500 people at his funeral. It shows how people can have such an effect on each other. My mom continued selling drugs and using after he passed. She ended up getting arrested and going to jail for a little while. She got out, but then she got arrested again and went back in. That was when I went to live with my grandparents, and my sister went to live with my aunt. When my mom got out of jail again, she was clean, but she was on anti-depressants. Those are the worst. They’ re just legal drugs. I don’ t know what happened when she died, and I don’ t think that I care to know. I don’ t want to say it was suicide, but I know she was really scared of going back to jail. I remember getting a call saying that she was in the hospital braindead. I had to make a decision. I didn’ t want to see my mom live like that, so I put her in hospice. I pride myself on how I handle things. It was tough at eighteen years old, but you don’ t really put things into perspective at that age. All I cared about was smoking weed and hanging out with my friends. Even when my father passed, people would ask,“ How do you hold it in?” It’ s a good and bad thing. It’ s good to be strong, but it’ s not good to hold it in. Don’ t get me wrong, there are times when I burst out crying, but holding it in is a problem I have. My uncle tells me that it takes something like seven years to come to peace with things that have happened. It’ s been about 7 years now since my mom’ s passing. My sister was ten when my mom died. She lived with my aunt for five years afterwards, but they didn’ t get along. She was just being a teenager and rebelling. She was in therapy, and I think that brought out a lot of her past that she didn’ t understand. She started cutting herself.
Eventually, she moved into JAFCO, Jewish Adoptive Foster Care. There, she started getting better. Through JAFCO, she got paired with two“ Forever Friends,” her adult role models, Leah and April. They are both successful attorneys. They’ re gay, so I got to go to a gay, Jewish wedding when they got married. They’ ve helped both of us so much.
I thought my sister was going to stay in JAFCO, graduate high school, live with me and then go to college. But she wanted a sense of family, and that’ s what she ended up getting. When she was 17, she was adopted by a lady who worked at her school. At first, it was a shock to me. I was against it. I didn’ t understand why she wanted that. I decided I wanted to meet the family on my own time. I found out that the lady who adopted her had known her for about three years. She has a husband and two kids of her own, both younger than my sister. It’ s been about seven months now since she was adopted, and it’ s worked out great. Thinking back, I look at how other families are and think things could have been different. Maybe my mother could have changed her ways and learned to live a healthier life. But honestly, my mom was the best person I’ ve ever met. She was such a beam of light. I have some of her old yearbooks, and sometimes I’ ll go through them and read what people wrote to her. It’ s always the same thing, that she was the nicest person. I think of her smile too, and how loving she was. I think I may have her smile. She passed on that love to me. I take care of others before I take care of myself. I always see the good in people and try to reach out and help them. That’ s something my mother gave to me. I embrace it and try to set an example for my sister, because she is who I live for. My parents are my angels. I’ ve never been a big religious person, but I embrace being Jewish. Anytime I was in times of need and I wanted to pray, even before my mother passed, I wouldn’ t pray to God, I would pray to my parents who are watching over me. There are still times when I feel like I don’ t know anyone and I have no friends. In those moments, I have to tell myself to snap out of it. Take a break. I always remind my sister that we have such a big support group. We’ ve had a lot of family friends help us. They’ ve given me money when I needed it. They’ ve invited us over for dinner. Stuff like that. We have a family that’ s there for us, even though sometimes we don’ t realize it. Over the past year, I’ ve become more expressive. I think it’ s important to let people know how important they are to you. It’ s important to reach out and take the risk of showing who you are. And it’ s important to not only tell your story, but to help others tell their stories. Because the story continues for all of us. People have suffered loss, and people will suffer more loss. There are so many people like me who have suffered, and I always remind myself that things could be worse. I mean, yes, it’ s terrible what happened. It’ s fucked up. But at least I have a good heart. I’ m hardworking, I’ m in school, and I’ m on the right path. You never know when something is going to happen, and we all have to embrace the time that we have. It’ s easy to say but hard to do.