THE BATTLE
Ernest Sisay
40
My angel is my mother, Binty. I lost my father to lung cancer in 1998. I was a lot younger then. It was my mother who was there for him, like a rock. It happened quickly. From the time we found out he had cancer, to the time he passed, it was four months. That made it a shock to the system. My mom was 62 years old when she finally lost her five year battle to ovarian cancer.
There was a time when she went into remission, and we thought she’ d won. But then it came back. When she was going through chemo, I would sit there and watch her sleep for hours. I felt like I was dying inside seeing her suffer like that. It was hard to see someone who was so smiley and jokey, who was always making sure you’ d eaten and felt welcome, lose all her weight and energy. There were times when I would have to physically pick her up and take her up the stairs. When you’ re going through that, you’ re in a surreal place. You think,“ She shouldn’ t be hurting like this.”
When they’ re going through that kind of fight, you see them lose a lot of confidence. They can’ t do the things they used to be able to do anymore. You have to take care of them, but you can’ t show them that you are having to take more and more control because it makes them lose more confidence. They may snap at you, but it’ s not them. It’ s just that they are losing their independence. You’ ve got to be able to take everything from the chin as it comes.
Every single second counts. There was one moment when I left the room for literally a minute or two to use the toilet, and when I came back she was on the floor. My heart dropped. I checked her out and called the hospital and they told me to bring her in. They kept her there for seven days because her potassium was low. You can’ t take any moment for granted.
But the first and foremost thing to know when you’ re looking after someone who is ill is that you yourself need support. You’ re going to have a lot of stress. There will be times when you lose yourself because you stay so close to them. There will be times when you need your own space as well. Take that time. There’ s a lot of stress that builds, so an outlet like the gym can be great. Each day, you need an hour just to be with friends or go to the gym or just to take a breather. But at the end of the day, you have to be there for them. My mother brought me into this world, and I always kept in mind that she would give up everything for me. You’ ve just got to battle through the hard times.