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commiserations
“I just lost my wife,” I told a woman at the bar.
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ronnie o’sullivan
What has an American police officer and Ronnie
O’Sullivan got in common?
She cuddled my head onto her breasts and whispered,
“It’ll be alright.”
Average shot time is only sixteen seconds. Less on the
black.
“No, it won’t.” I replied, “She’ll find me soon.”
age gap
My mum always used to say ‘40 is the new 30’.
the count
How I count to ten:
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10
How Bill Gates counts to ten:
1, 2, 3, 95, 98, NT, 2000, XP, Vista, 7, 8, 8.1, 10
Lovely woman. Banned from driving.
Then return the first one.
crowing
The priest in a small Irish village loved the rooster and
ten hens he kept in the hen house behind the church.
One Sunday morning, before mass, he went to feed the
birds and discovered that the cock was missing.
He knew about cock fights in the village, so he questioned
his parishioners in church.
During mass, he asked the congregation, “Has anybody
got a cock?” All the men stood up.
“No, no,” he said, “that wasn’t what I meant. Has anybody
seen a cock?” All the women stood up.
“No, no,” he said, “that wasn’t what I meant. Has anybody
seen my cock?”
Sixteen altar boys, two priests and a goat stood up.
cooking
My wife’s cooking is incredible!
With a silent ‘cr’.
alan rickman
It’s so annoying seeing all these fake fans on Facebook
posting about Alan Rickman’s death.
F1
My friend is a huge F1 fan.
I bet they can’t even name one of his songs.
angel
My girlfriend promised me a night of sex and said she
would make me feel like Robbie Williams.
Through it all, she offered me protection
3d printer
I’m off to buy a 3-D printer.
Which I’ll use to make another 3-D printer.
Personally I prefer Ctrl and Caps Lock.
10
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