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Tennis fans on Pimm’s rampage
great britain
BRITISH tennis fans have run amok after the
Davis Cup, downing jugs of winter Pimms and
demanding plate after plate of olives.
The crowd returned from Belgium talking
loudly about two men called Murray, a dead
rubber and Britain being the best in the
world at a sport, none of which made sense
to bystanders.
Terrified employees at Waitrose in London St
Pancras struggled to barricade the doors as
they articulately demanded gin and upmarket
snack foods.
Shop assistant Mary Fisher said: “They
descended on the dip section like wild beasts,
at first using kettle chips to scoop the humus,
then just shovelling it in with their bare
hands.
“We refused to serve a man in a salmon shirt
because he’d clearly already had enough
Left: Belgians and Waitrose staff were
left shocked and scared as the hordes of
rampaging British tennis fans went on a
Pimms picnic orgy
Manchego but he just lost it and necked a
whole pack of antipasti right there in front
of us.”
“They stripped the shelves of liqueurs and
prosciutto before heading off to the deli down
the road. I suppose tennis just makes some
people do crazy stuff.”
Another assistant, David Morgan, said, “It’s
so much better when you get Chelsea or
Manchester United fans in, as they just go
straight to the ready made sandwiches and
clear us out of anything with prawn in it.”
Tennis fan Martin Bishop said: “When you’re
buzzing off a tennis tournament like that, the
picnicking instinct just takes over. You have
to picnic and God help whoever gets in your
way.”
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