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bond
Our local cinema is putting on a screening of the new
James Bond film especially for dyslexics.
Respect.
the farmer
At election time a coach load of politicians leaves the
road and crashes into a field.
When the emergency services arrive the coach is empty
and there’s no sign of the passengers.
The farmer is there with his tractor so they asked what
became of the politicians.
“I buried them.” he said.
“They were all dead then?”
“Well, some of them said they were alive, but you can’t
believe anything a politician says, now can you?”
eyebrows
I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high.
She seemed surprised.
remarrying
Woman says to her husband:
“Would you marry again if I died?”
Bloke says: “Probably”
Woman says: “Would you let her use my golf clubs?”
Man says: “No, she’s left handed”.
10
a bit of a whiff
This bloke lives in Watford and has never had a girlfriend
because of his really smelly feet. They’re really bad with
the smell of his bare feet peeling wallpaper off of walls…
that bad. He eventually meets a girl from Brighton,
online, who has never had a boyfriend because of her
really really bad breath.
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As the relationship gets more serious ,the conversations
veer to more intimate subjects and they fall in love.
The photos look fine and he decides to take the plunge
and proposes to her, still online, and flattered, she
accepts.
Wanting a quick getaway after the wedding, he books
the chapel at Gatwick with a honeymoon in Ibiza
guaranteed to make his new wife a happy girl.
He gets on the Gatwick Express loaded down with
Charcoal insoles, Dr.Scholl footsprays, dozens of pairs
of new socks ,button up-to- the-knee Doc Martens and
every foot care product he could think of.
She’s on the train at Brighton with Fisherman’s Friend
lozenges, Gold Spot breath spray, Trebor Extra Strong
mints and umpteen other medicaments guaranteed to
ward off evil smells.
The wedding goes off without a hitch and they set off for
sun, sand and romance!
They get to their hotel and they both realise that things
aren’t going well. She’s running low on mints etc and
her extra sensitive taste buds are on high alert…she’s
starting to pong a bit. He’s also running short of supplies,
so, clutching their Berlitz guides, they set off in separate
directions to find a chemist.
They both have no luck at all and they realise that they’ve
got to own up. He gets back to the hotel suite and finds
his bride crying her eyes out.
“What’s up, darling?” he says
“I’ve *snivel* got something to tell you *snivel*”
“So have I” he says and grabs her and gives her a long
–tongue tickling tonsils-snog and pulls away.
He looks into her eyes – twin pools of moonlight - and
says “You’ve eaten one my bloody socks, haven’t you??”
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Poolsuk Road (between Dechanuchit & Chomsin Roads)
Call 080 018 3996
Open every day from early ‘til late
Oil or Thai Massage
Foot Massage
300 baht/1 hr.
250 baht/1 hr.
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