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nowt as
queer as folk
Yorkshire residents terrified they could be made Leeds United owner
leeds, england
THE cobbled streets of Yorkshire are
empty as residents cower in their homes,
terrified they could be made the new
owner of Leeds United.
Scouts are hunting for a fall guy to take
control of the club while current owner
Massimo Cellino, found guilty of being
Italian, steps down until next March.
54-year-old Bill McKay said: “You can’t
have a pint without fear of being pressganged and waking up with that white
rose in your buttonhole, marked for life.
“Just look at the previous incumbents:
Peter Ridsdale and Ken Bates, neither of
whom will ever be served in a Betty’s Tea
Rooms ever again.
“Homing pigeons go ten miles out of their
way to crap on their heads.”
A Leeds spokesman said: “It is true
Left: This cup of Yorkshire Tea
is apparently the bookmakers’
favourite to be installed as the
new owner of Leeds United
that we are having difficulty finding
anyone willing to take on the debts and
opprobrium of heading the most loathed
club in English football. No, the world.
“We need someone who is already
unpopular. Maybe Geoffrey Boycott,
Jeremy Clarkson or one of those puppets
from the Wonga adverts. We might even
consider another Scottish person again,
but we are going to draw the line at asking
Nigel Farage.”
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