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The Railway Tavern
The Hat
An elderly man was quite unhappy because he had lost
his favorite hat. Instead of buying a new one, he decided
he would go to church and swipe one out of the vestibule.
When he got there, an usher intercepted him at the door
and took him to a pew where he had to sit and listen
to the entire sermon on “The Ten Commandments.”
After church, the man met the preacher in the vestibule
doorway, shook his had vigorously, and told him “I want
to thank you preacher for saving my soul today. I came
to church to steal a hat and after hearing your sermon
on the 10 Commandments, I decided against it.”
Preacher: “You mean the commandment ‘I shall not
steal’ changed your mind?”
Old Man: “No, the one about adultery did. As soon as you
said that I remember where I left my old hat!”
TWO NUNS AND A BLIND MAN
Two nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent,
and the last instruction of the Mother Superior is that
they must not get even a drop of paint on their habits.
After conferring about this for a while, the two nuns
decide to lock the door of the room, strip off their habits,
and paint in the nude.
In the middle of the project, there comes a knock at the
door. “Who is it?”, calls one of the nuns.
“Blind man,” replies a voice from the other side of the
door. The two nuns look at each other and shrug, and,
deciding that no harm can come from letting a blind man
into the room, they open the door.
“Nice tits,” says the man, “where do you want these
blinds?”
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085 429 0378
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Cowboy boots
Bert, age 80, always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy
boots, so, seeing some on sale, he bought them and
wore them home. Walking proudly, he sauntered into the
kitchen and said to his wife,”Notice anything different
about me?”
Margaret, age 75, looked him over. “Nope.”
Frustrated, Bert stormed off into the bathroom,
undressed and walked back into the kitchen completely
naked except for the boots. Again he asked Margaret, a
little louder this time, “Notice anything different NOW?”
Margaret looked up and said in her best deadpan, “Bert,
what’s different?It’s hanging down today, it was hanging
down yesterday, it’ll be hanging down again tomorrow.”
Furious, Bert yelled, “AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT’S
HANGING DOWN, MARGARET?”
“Nope. Not a clue”, she replied.
“IT’S HANGING DOWN, BECAUSE IT’S LOOKING AT
MY NEW BOOTS!”
Without missing a beat Margaret replied, “Shoulda
bought a hat, Bert! Shoulda bought a hat.”
old friends
Two Scotsmen met 25 years after their last