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News flashes:
Now on sale at IKEA - beds for lesbians: no nuts or
screwing involved, it’s all tongue and groove.
Motorbikes for Rent
Daily, weekly or long term
A Muslim has been shot with a starting pistol; police say
it’s definitely race related.
I got a letter from Screw Fix Direct thanking me for my
interest, but explaining they were not a dating agency.
The lead actor in the local pantomime production of
Aladdin was anally raped by the gay genie on stage last
night - to be fair the audience did try to warn him.
Such an unfair world. When a man talks dirty to a woman
its considered sexual harassment. When a woman talks
dirty to a man its £2.50/min (charges may vary)
Just booked a table for Valentine’s Day for me and the
wife. Bound to end in tears though - she’s crap at snooker.
PUB & CAFE
HUA HIN SOI 88
085 429 0378
DICKENS’S MARTINI
Charles Dickens walks into a bar and orders a martini.
The bartender asks, “Olive or twist?”
THE OFFSPRING
A birch and a beech tree grow up side by side in the
forest. One day, a sapling grows between them, and each
swears that it’s not their son. The beech thinks it’s a
son-of-a-birch, and the birch thinks it’s a son-of-a-beech.
To settle it, they enlist the help of a woodpecker, who
checks it out.
“You are both wrong,” he says when he comes back up.
“That’s the best piece of ash I’ve ever had my pecker in.”
Met a beautiful girl down at the park today. Sparks flew,
she fell at my feet and we ended up having sex there and
then. God, I love my new Taser!
A BLONDE & HER THERMOS
A blonde notices that her coworker has a thermos, so
she asks him what it’s for. He responds, “It keeps hot
things hot and cold things cold.”
If you get an email telling you that you can catch Swine
Flu from tins of ham then delete it. It’s Spam.
The blonde immediately buys one for herself. The next
day, she goes to work and proudly displays it.
They say that sex is the best form of exercise. Now
correct me if I’m wrong but I don’t think 2 minutes and
15 seconds every 6 months is going to shift this beer
belly.
Her coworker asks, “What do you have in it?”
She replies, “Soup and ice cream.”
When I was a kid people used to cover me in chocolate
and cream and put a cherry on my head. Yeah, life was
tough in the gateau.
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