AWOL 2014 Issue 305 14th November | Page 13

Advertise here from only 40 baht per week Send your jokes to submissions@ awolonline.net and get your name in print! Brought to you by The Railway Tavern Railway Tavern News flashes: Now on sale at IKEA - beds for lesbians: no nuts or screwing involved, it’s all tongue and groove. Motorbikes for Rent Daily, weekly or long term A Muslim has been shot with a starting pistol; police say it’s definitely race related. I got a letter from Screw Fix Direct thanking me for my interest, but explaining they were not a dating agency. The lead actor in the local pantomime production of Aladdin was anally raped by the gay genie on stage last night - to be fair the audience did try to warn him. Such an unfair world. When a man talks dirty to a woman its considered sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man its £2.50/min (charges may vary) Just booked a table for Valentine’s Day for me and the wife. Bound to end in tears though - she’s crap at snooker. PUB & CAFE HUA HIN SOI 88 085 429 0378 DICKENS’S MARTINI Charles Dickens walks into a bar and orders a martini. The bartender asks, “Olive or twist?” THE OFFSPRING A birch and a beech tree grow up side by side in the forest. One day, a sapling grows between them, and each swears that it’s not their son. The beech thinks it’s a son-of-a-birch, and the birch thinks it’s a son-of-a-beech. To settle it, they enlist the help of a woodpecker, who checks it out. “You are both wrong,” he says when he comes back up. “That’s the best piece of ash I’ve ever had my pecker in.” Met a beautiful girl down at the park today. Sparks flew, she fell at my feet and we ended up having sex there and then. God, I love my new Taser! A BLONDE & HER THERMOS A blonde notices that her coworker has a thermos, so she asks him what it’s for. He responds, “It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold.” If you get an email telling you that you can catch Swine Flu from tins of ham then delete it. It’s Spam. The blonde immediately buys one for herself. The next day, she goes to work and proudly displays it. They say that sex is the best form of exercise. Now correct me if I’m wrong but I don’t think 2 minutes and 15 seconds every 6 months is going to shift this beer belly. Her coworker asks, “What do you have in it?” She replies, “Soup and ice cream.” When I was a kid people used to cover me in chocolate and cream and put a cherry on my head. Yeah, life was tough in the gateau. Contacting AWOL Telephone: Facebook: Twitter: Office: 081 649 8361 (Eng) or 081 614 8728 (Thai) AWOLexpat awolhuahin 136/229 Emerald Hill, Soi 6, Borfai, Hua Hin, 77110, Prachuap Kiri Khan 13 Advertising: [email protected] Classifieds: [email protected] Submissions: [email protected] Enquiries: [email protected] Property: [email protected] Website: www.awolonline.net Join the AWOL forum