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Spurs takeover off after bidders watch them play
england
INVESTORS have withdrawn a bid for
Tottenham Hotspur after seeing them in
action.
Cain Hoy executives attended last week’s
Capital One game against Nottingham Forest
to give them a taste of the team in action but
during a goalless first half several of them
slipped into mild comas.
Consortium head Nikki Hollis said: “We’d had a
chat with Malcolm Glazer about how investing
in English football was a great way of making
a fortune without doing any work.
“He also recommended it as a way of annoying
millions of arseholes which, while not
financially lucrative, is always fun.
“But Erik Lamela? Chas and Dave?
“No.”
Hollis said: “Oh, and the pies? Seriously, what
the hell?”
Spurs had hoped the investment would allow
Left: The Matchroom Stadium
- a fitting temporary home for
Tottenham Hotspur
them to purchase their first striker since
Jurgen Klinnsman and employ a songwriter to
create a chant that does not involve Arsenal.
Cain Hoy were due to make a cash offer for
the team in the region of eight figures, if you
include the two numbers after the decimal
point.
An earlier ‘one billion’ valuation of the club
was dismissed, unless the currency in question
was the Mark during the hyperinflation-hit
Weimar Republic of the 1920s or the Laotian
Kip.
In a bad couple of weeks for the club they also
learned that their hoped for groundshare of
the Olympic Stadium in Stratford while White
Hart Lane is redeveloped would be vetoed by
tenants West Ham, leaving them with a likely
groundshare of the Matchroom Stadium,
formerly known as Brisbane Road, Leyton
Orient’s ground (capacity 9,271).
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