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Football agents return to hibernation
england
AFTER a summer of frenzied activity,
football agents have returned to their
slumber on huge piles of money.
Immediately after the transfer window
closed, the agents spread their black
leathery wings and took flight to warmer
climes where they will remain in their
underground cave homes until January.
Agent-watcher Tom Booker said: “It’s
quite amazing to observe the migration
patterns of the agent.
“As soon as the football season ends,
the flock arrives. For several weeks they
will circle big-name players and clubs
excitedly with their distinctive call of
‘Harry Redknapp, Harry Redknapp’.
“Then, as soon as they have accumulated
a sufficiently large heap of money to serve
as bedding for their huge reptilian bodies,
they head for the Caribbean before they
Left: An agent returning to his lair
after making a killing
are forced to actually watch a game of
football.
“Between now and January they will
snooze atop piles of crisp twenties. If
they’re woken out of season, they’ll
force you to take Niko Kranjcar or Danny
Gabbidon on loan.”
This coming January is expected to be
a boom for the lascivious agents, as
well as there being a shift from their
traditional return to London, with many
of them expected to choose Manchester
for their return to action; some are even
speculating that their mating call will
alter to ‘Van Gaal, Van Gaal’ in the belief
that their nests will be bountifully filled.
Despite agents being widely regarded
as a pest, their mating ritual of buying
champagne for tables of promiscuous
women in vile city clubs remains
extremely effective.
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