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The New 2014 Ford (thanks to Grahame)
Renault and Ford have joined forces to create the perfect
small car for women. Mixing the Renault ‘Clio’ and the
Ford ‘Taurus’ they have designed the ‘Clitaurus’.
It comes in pink, and the average male car thief won’t be
able to find it - let alone turn it on - even if someone tells
him where it is and how to do it. Rumour has it though,
it can be a real bitch to start in the morning!
Some have reported that on cold winter mornings, when
you really need it, you can’t get it to turn over.
New models are initially fun to own, but very costly to
maintain, and horribly expensive to get rid of.
Used models may initially appear to have curb appeal
and a low price, but eventually have an increased
appetite for fuel, and the curb weight typically increases
with age. Manufacturers are baffled as to how the size of
the boot increases, but say that the paint may just make
it LOOK bigger.
This model is not expected to reach collector status.
Most owners may find it is best to lease one, and replace
when it becomes troublesome.
scottish independence
The Queen is in Glasgow where she bumped into Alex
Salmond.
HM: “How nice to see you Mr Salmond”.
AS: “Nice to see you Ma’am. Now, what are we going to
call Scotland when we win Independence? How about
calling it a Kingdom, and then I’ll be a King”?
HM: “No, we don’t like that idea Mr Salmond”.
AS: “Empire, and I’ll be Emperor”?
HM: “No. I don’t think so Mr Salmond”.
AS: “OK, so how about calling it a Principality, and then
I’ll be a Prince”?
HM: “No, Mr Salmond. May I suggest that we call it a
Country?
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Motorbikes for Rent
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fishing trip
A doctor in Dublin wanted to get off work and go fishing,
so he approached his assistant .
“Murphy, I am going fishing tomorrow and don’t want to
close the clinic. I want you to take care of the clinic and
take care of all me patients”.
“Yes, sir!” answers Murphy.
The doctor goes fishing and returns the following day
and asks: “So, Murphy, how was your day?”
Murphy told him that he took care of three patients.
“The first one had a headache so he did, I gave him
Paracetamol.”
“Bravo Murphy lad, and the second one?” asks the
doctor.
“The second one had indigestion and I gave him Gaviscon,
so I did sir” says Murphy.
“Bravo, bravo! You’re good at this and what about the
third one?” asks the doctor.
“Sir, I was sitting here and suddenly the door flies open
and a young gorgeous woman bursts in so she does. Like
a bolt outta the blue, she tears off her clothes, taking off
everything including her bra and her knickers and lies
down on the table, spreading her legs and shouts: ‘HELP
ME for the love of St Patrick! For five years I have not
seen any man!’”
“Thunderin’ lard Jesus Murphy, what did you do?” asks
the doctor.
“I put drops in her eyes.”
13
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