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The Railway Tavern
arthritis
A man who smelled like a distillery flopped on a subway
seat next to a priest. The man’s tie was stained, his face
was plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle
of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened
his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes
the disheveled guy turned to the priest and asked, “Say,
Father, what causes arthritis?”
“My son, it’s caused by loose living, being with cheap,
wicked women, too much alcohol, and a contempt for
your fellow man.”
“Well, I’ll be damned,” the drunk muttered, returning to
his paper.
The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the
man and apologized. “I’m very sorry, I didn’t mean to
come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?”
“I don’t have it, Father. I was just reading here that the
Pope does.”
luxury car
A guy driving a Yugo pulls up at a stoplight next to a
Rolls-Royce. The driver of the Yugo rolls down his
window and shouts to the driver of the Rolls, “Hey,
buddy, that’s a nice car. You got a phone in your Rolls?
I’ve got one in my Yugo!”
The driver of Rolls looks over and says simply, “Yes I
have a phone.” The driver of the Yugo says, “Cool! Hey,
you got a fridge in there, too? I’ve got a fridge in the
back seat of my Yugo!” The driver of the Rolls, looking
annoyed, says, “Yes, I have a refrigerator.”
The driver of the Yugo says, “That’s great, man! Hey, you
got a TV in there, too? You know, I got a TV in the back
seat of my Yugo!” The driver of the Rolls, looking very
annoyed by now, says, “Of course I have a television. A
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Rolls-Royce is the finest luxury car in the world!”
The driver of the Yugo says, “Very cool car! Hey, you got
a bed in there too? I got a bed in the back of my Yugo!”
Upset that he did not have a bed, the driver of the RollsRoyce sped away, and went straight to the dealer, where
he promptly ordered that a bed be installed in the back
of the Rolls. The next morning, the driver of the Rolls
picked up the car, and the bed looked superb, with satin
sheets and brass trim. It was clearly a bed fit for a Rolls
Royce. So the driver of the Rolls begins searching for the
Yugo, and he drove all day.
Finally, late at night, he finds the Yugo parked, with
all the windows fogged up from the inside. The driver
of the Rolls got out and knocked on the Yugo. When
there wasn’t any answer, he knocked and knocked, and
eventually the owner stuck his head out, soaking wet.
“I now have a bed in the back of my Rolls-Royce,” the
driver of the Rolls stated arrogantly.
The driver of the Yugo looked at him and said, “You got
me out of the shower to tell me THAT?!?!”
crossword
The Pope was working on a crossword puzzle. He
tho ՝